Prompt: "If you are applying to the Trinity College of Arts and Sciences as a first year applicant, please discuss why you consider Duke a good match for you. Is there something particular about Duke that attracts you? Please limit your response to no more than 150 words."
I was waiting to fall in love, and my visit to Duke flipped me head-over-heels. When I began my college search I was reluctant to believe in the Hollywood-esque idea of a "dream school", yet couldn't deny it appealed to me. I spent hours online reviewing colleges that ended up failing to impress in person. Duke was the exception. When I attended the Arts and Humanities Open House, the butterflies in my stomach persisted as my enthusiasm grew with every step I took. Doubtlessly, the academic rigor and prestige of Duke appealed to me, but what truly thrilled me was the passion and enthusiasm of the students and professors. The university's most memorable feature was not it's iconic chapel, but the incredible Blue Devils inhabiting it's campus. That electric air of creativity and passion for learning is something I've found no other school to possess the way Duke does.
Any assistance appreciated, and I will definitely return the favor. Thank you!
Overall, the essay is very well written, but I do have a few revisions. In the first sentence, perhaps exchange "I was waiting to fall in love" with "I was wishing to fall in love" or something of the sort, I don't think waiting is the right verb. In the second sentence, I would replace "it" with "such an idea" because the antecedent it replaces isn't very clear. Instead of "failing to impress in person", I would say "that eventually fell short of my expectations". For the sentence, "That electric air of creativity and passion for learning is something I've found no other school to possess the way Duke does." I would say, The electric air of creativity and the passion for learning is what I've found is unique to Duke and .... something about how Duke is now your dream school. Maybe, "what has made me swoon over the university". Hope this is helpful!
Thank you SO much, that was very helpful! I was really struggling with that last sentence. Now it's "The electric air of creativity and passion for learning is what I've found is unique to Duke and what has captured my heart." which isn't perfect but it's a lot better than what I had before. All of your suggestions were great, and I'll try to return the favor. Thanks again!
Your essay is very well written, but filled with fluff. They probably have an overload of fluff from the thousands of applicants that keep duke as back-up plan, and don't take the supplements seriously. What you need to do is(and this applies to every college that asks you why you chose them) research their website; go in-depth to the parts that nobody wold even care enough to get to. Pretend as though you were a student at that school, and you're searching for something specific you want to peruse. A certain club, committee, or service they offer that distinguishes them from other colleges. All you need is one aspect that will let them know that you truly understand this college and have thought about each aspect of it. You need to let them know that you are not like any other student that wants to attend, but you are a student that NEEDS to attend. It was hard for me to find something unique about most colleges I was applying to, but after rummaging through every nook and cranny of their sites, I was able to find something to use.
I think you need to be more specific. If you can replace the word duke with another colleges name,that means you havent been very specific.
