I would like some feedback on this part of the supplement I don't mind some harsh critics. I have another supplement that I rewrote and needs some feedback too. I know help deserves help so I give my feedback whenever possible.
So the instructions goes like this.
Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.
Hello future buddy
Currently you do not know me or even know about my existence. That will change really quickly and we will become good friends. There will be so much to learn about each other that I am excited already. Probably we won't agree on everything but that is fine. It will lead to awesome discussions. But to make knowing me a little bit easier I will tell you about your future roommate.
My name is Gianfranco and I have lots of nicknames, Gini, Jimmy, Gio, MacGyver's Swiss army knife and the messiah, among others. You can use one of those or come up with a completely new name. I came to the realization that the name is unimportant and it doesn't change who I am. You will see that I am a different person in many senses and my name is only one of those.
I love doing lots of different activities. I like drawing and coloring my drawings, playing the violin (I am still learning so please have some patience with me), doing origami, programming and solving puzzles of any kind. I prefer being varied in my abilities rather than excelling in only one. So when I find something new and interesting I will try to learn it.
If there is something that I think you will enjoy and have a good laugh with are my dreams. Those are seriously some crazy ones but quite enjoyable. Underwater musicals, reasoning with ghosts and time travelling inside a bathroom are only little examples of what happens in my head while I sleep. But above all of those there is one trait that I am proud of. I am a good friend. When I become a real friend with someone it is forever. One that is incredibly loyal and can keep secrets. So I hope we become really good friends.
I don't want to make this letter too long. I am already waiting to meet you and have fun. Until then I send you a hug from the past.
Gianfranco
After reading that letter I think I would like to have you as a room-mate. That being said, I think it might be a little too forward for some people. This is assuming that you will be attending an American university with an American room-mate. I think it is very informative and does exactly what it's supposed to, but assuming friendship might be a little too much. Not all room-mates become friends, even if it is desired by one of the persons involved. Some people also take friendship very seriously and aren't willing to become "friends" with someone unless they can really trust that person. This is a minor problem with the essay though and I don't think that anyone would look upon you negatively for it. The essay looks good from my end, but I would wait for someone better with spelling and grammar to check it first. Not because it's poorly written, but because I wouldn't notice if it was. I hope this helps
Thank you for your reply. I am pretty easy to get along with and once you get my loyalty that means forever. This essay was the easiest so far, it simply flowed. Probably there are a couple minor mistakes and I will check it again to make sure I find them. Again thank you a lot for the reply.
i get the feeling that you're really eager to meet your new people, which I think is a good quality
you play with the prompt, how you have several nicknames and have entertaining dreams, another plus
Maybe this instead:
We probably won't agree on everything but that is fine because we'll have awesome discussions.
Missing some commas here and there, but i guess that's fine.
