Prompt: The quality of Rice's academic life and the Residential College System are heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings. What perspective do you feel that you will contribute to life at Rice?
Here is what I have so far. However I feel that it is choppy and could be developed more. I found this prompt to be hard and was stumped for a while. What do you guys think? Any type of feedback is well appreciated!! Thanks in advanced!
I wake up to the smell of Korean food, the sounds of the Korean language, and the shouting of an angry Korean mother as I have slept in way past my wake up time. The moment I step foot into my house, I am thrown from the western culture to a culture that is a mix of the Korean culture and the American culture, Konglish culture if you will. Growing up with my grandparents, I was grounded on traditional Korean customs, bow to elders, always address older sisters/brothers/cousins formally, never talk back, and bow some more. My grandparents have impressed upon me the importance of knowing my roots; at the same time my parents have stressed that I am American, no matter the skin color.
My father is a pastor but instead of ministering to a Korean congregation, he is a pastor of an Anglo-American church. This has given me the opportunity to learn about traditional American customs. The biggest different between Korean and American culture, that I have noticed, is that American culture is rebellious. Unlike Korea, there is more rebellion in America via language and actions. The younger generation has no problem is retorting towards the older generation. While this is completely unheard of in Korea, I have come to adopt this sort of rebellion because rebellion brings about change. We must challenge each other as a society in order to progress.
Through Boy Scouts I have had the opportunity to experience many different cultures. As I sit at the bottom of a pool weaving strips of wood into a basket, only taking breaks to swim to the top for precious air, I look to my left and right and see my fellow scouts from all parts of the world doing the same. At events like the world jamboree, I can meet with scouts and share our different idiosyncrasies. I have developed respect for cultures in India, Canada, China, and Mexico because of the relations that I built through Boy Scouts.
Unlike in Boy Scouts, in Tang Soo Do, I build relations through competitions. Once a year, my federation holds its world competition in which all studios associated with the World Tang Soo Do association comes together in Philadelphia to compete against each other. As I watch people from countries like Brazil and Bolivia do their forms, I realize the many nuances even within one federation. One form may look different depending on which country performs it. When I spar those people, I realize that American sparing is far drastic from Argentinean sparring. While one country may spar aggressively, the other may spar conservatively. As I talk to these people about their strategies, I realize that their styles are reflections of their home country.
My views have evolved and are constantly evolving. Every time I meet someone from a different culture, my ideologies change. My perception of the world is more holistic because of the brilliant people I have met.
You go into detail about your experiences, but you don't show enough of how its changed you and what perspective you'll bring to Rice. I also feel as though the 3 different life experiences distract from you fully answering the prompt. Perhaps just use one or two, and really expand on how they've impacted you and how that impact will allow you to bring a certain perspective to Rice.
As for the writing, I think you sound a little formulaic as if you are writing a school paper. Don't tell, show! Let your personality shine through.
