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"The Wakeup Call"; I grew up in a house that values education and hard work. Common App essay


atothez1000 2 / 3  
Dec 14, 2014   #1
Prompt (Common App prompt #1)

Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

The Wakeup Call
I grew up in a house that values education and hard work. . As a teenager, the constant advice from my parents was annoying and I never took it seriously.They always said that I have to work hard to help my country and all its people who suffer because of poverty. However, an experience I had when I was on a family trip served as a wakeup call that reformed the precocious principles in which I planned to lead my life and cleared up the vague message of my parents.

I was fifteen when my family and I paid a visit to my father's uncle at the country side. It was at the end of the rainy season when nature unleashes its captivating beauty. In the course of my visit, my cousin and I went for a mountain hike. While wandering about we met with a group of children who were shepherds and farmers that worked at the apex plane of the mountain. Some of the children looked like they were roughly our age, but most seemed much younger than us. Their clothes were shabby and dirty, and their feet had several cuts and scars because they had no shoes and had to with bare feet all day. It was a sad sight to see. My cousin, who was no stranger to the countryside, knew these children. So he introduced me to them. I was surprised to discover that, even though we had grown up in two completely different environments, we had a lot in common. As a result we became friends in a small amount of time. I had an unforgettable bonding experience with these children . When time for departure came their eyes and my heart sunk. A strong bond had been created before we knew how it happened.

What surprised me even more was discovering that these unfortunate kids were my blood relatives. However these kids are severely deprived of so many advantages that I took for granted. When I started to drag my feet down the mountain, my mind was reeling back to my parents' advice about how we should capitalize on our advantage and understand the value of education.

At the base of the mountain people were working assiduously and tirelessly in their fields. Yet,they are not able to harvest enough crops to feed their family, because they use a millennia old crop-cultivation method and technology. This inefficient working method has been part of Ethiopian culture for years as a resultof the inadequate opportunity for formal education. These uneducated farmers are also not capable of sending their children to school, resulting this wretched trend to continue. However, due to certain decisions that my parents have made, I am lucky to have escaped this ill-fated path that my relatives regrettably have to follow.

That is why I believe that I am destined to contribute a solution for this age-old predicament. The touching and revealing moment while departing from the mountainhas become a constant checking factor to live by my parents' advice. I believe it is also my impetus to working hard and succeeding by going to a reputable technology college to pursue my dream in science and technology. That in turn, I believe, shall be a useful tool to help my people.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Dec 14, 2014   #2
Adonay, your essay is too wordy and does not depict a deeper understanding or emotional impact upon you after having met your less fortunate relatives. I strongly suggest that you try to add a serious connection between you and the event in order to properly show the development of your central identity. Talk about how you were changed by the event through the influence it had on you. Did it make you civic minded? Did you start to help the family members in your own way? Show us how you became a changed person and this created a new central identity because of the experience.
OP atothez1000 2 / 3  
Dec 17, 2014   #3
Thanks for the comment. I will work on it and post it again.
Aymiee - / 1  
Dec 17, 2014   #4
It is an interesting story however not captivating. You should aim to it more memorable maybe you consider using anecdotes.

Please review mine => My first day of boarding school and I already hated it. "I want to go home!" - Learning to Grow up
OP atothez1000 2 / 3  
Dec 17, 2014   #5
Ok can you check my other essay and comment on it. its a bit more personal


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