Hi, this is a rough draft of my supplement essay for Brown. I'm applying for Regular Decision, and I wanted to write a really good essay for admission. I would really, really appreciate any constructive criticism or advice on the essay.
Q: What is an academic experience, project, class or book that has influenced or inspired you?
I thought they were all just splattered ink on a parched white paper, written merely for entertainment. I never realized what books can do to ones mind until I read this novel, Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom, the first book I ever shed tears for.
I picked up this book last summer in the hope of escaping the pressure and stress from college preparation and school summer assignments. After I read the first few chapters, I felt the book was narrating my own feelings and thoughts about life and was consequently drawn into the book even more. In the midst of chaos, it was as if those few hours I dedicated myself to the book were the most important hours of the day.
With Morrie, his old professor, as his mentor, Mitch, the narrator of this novel, was able to reincarnate himself in life, transforming a man who was once motivated by material wealth into a man who is motivated by a passion to love. I, like Mitch, was looking for that one person who could understand me, guide my young and searching soul to see the world as a more profound place, and help me make my way through it. I found myself meditating and challenging my ever so premature plans for the future.
Before reading this novel, I considered myself as one of the many students who just studied to get good grades and who just got good grades to get into a good college; I always looked at the future inch by inch, only observing the immediate but transient benefits, never even bothering to consider the broad future as a whole. I realized that I was "walking around with a meaningless life", as Morrie put it. I had to devote myself to the community around me and create something for myself that had a purpose.
Since I was young, I dreamed of becoming a doctor, honestly, partly because I liked playing with the stethoscope and partly because of the grand benefits it had to offer. However, I realized that those were materialistic reasons that I was wrongfully chasing after. Now, I dream of becoming an ophthalmologist, not because I like the clean white attire that I'd be wearing nor because of the money I'd be making, but because I would like to treat those unfortunate people, who like me also had to suffer the painful inconveniences from having to wear glasses, or those whose eyes have hindered them from approaching the things that may have made a life changing difference. Then, once I do succeed in accomplishing my goal, I would turn back to the novel, Tuesday with Morrie, and say "Thank you."
Hi, you are a great writer, just check the following
I never realized what books can do to "ones" mind until I read this novel, ---one's
I felt the book was narrating my own feelings-------- I felt that the book was narrating my own feelings
Then, once I do succeed in accomplishing my goal, I would turn back to the novel, Tuesday with Morrie, and say "Thank you."-----Then, after succesfully accomplishing my goal, I will turn back to the novel Tuesday with Morrie and say,"Thank you."
What a good purpose of life, I appreciate your concern for your neighbor.
Regards
Josh
Great advice from joshua, thanks!!
I thought they were all just splattered ink on a parched white paper, written merely for entertainment. I never realized what books can do to one's mind until I read this novel, Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom -- the first book I ever shed tears for.
Above, I implemented joshua's correction of "one's" and I italicized the title of the book. Also, I changed a comma to a dash (just an idea).
Before reading Tuesdays with Morrie, I considered myself to be one of the many students who just studied to get good grades and who just got good grades to get into a good college...
GOOD LUCK AT BROWN!!!
