You have already told us about yourself in the Common Application, with its list of activities, Short Answer, and Personal Essay. In this required second essay, tell us something that you would like us to know about you that we might not get from the rest of your application - or something that you would like a chance to say more about. Please limit your essay to fewer than 500 words.
I woke up at 6:00 AM to the call of the alarm clock: a teenager's nemesis. I put on my black Adidas sweatpants and pick out a random Jesuit t-shirt. As I walk downstairs, my dogs, Max and Sasha, hear my footsteps and proceed to bark, making sure that I know that it was time to walk them. Looking out the window, I see today's forecast was typical of Oregon: high in the mid forties, low of thirty, and rain, lots of rain.
Max and Sasha greet meet with their usual unconditional giddy and jumping. The two do not stay still as I leash them and instead progress to sniff and lick me. Walking outside, I inhale the fresh morning air; my dogs enjoy the fresh air too as I see their breaths fog up. We walk to the end of the block and proceed to turn right to a "hotspot" for my dogs. I have been waking up to walk my dog for about three weeks now. How did my grandpa do it? As my dogs sniffed the ground, I think of my grandpa who had stage three lung cancer and how he woke up every day to walk the dogs. The same grandpa who worked his entire life, toiling over open flames in restaurants his entire life, even took it upon himself to religiously exert what little strength he had to keep the dogs happy.
I continue our little stroll around the neighborhood and let them to do their business. We make our way through two more blocks in the rain. I do not like how wet I am, but my dogs love the cool weather. When we arrive home, my dogs yet again tussle with me to take their leashes off. They look down with sobbing puppy eyes, expressing their discontent that our walk is over.
I am dripping wet and tired, even before my day begins. My uncle bought these dogs. At times, I question, "Why do I have to take care of them? I never wanted them. Could not he take care of them? No. He was always on a business trip or stayed up late into the night. Maybe my grandma could walk them? No.She is too elderly and could not handle Max's roughhousing." As I go to the dryer, I see a little memorial my family made for my grandpa after he passed away. Looking at it, I thought, "You know what, if he could do it, so could I. Just take it as it is and just do it." I am honored that I get to wake up early and walk the dogs. I turn back and look at Max and Sasha. They smile back at me as a thank you for walking them.
"I do not like how we I am, but my dogs"
Something is terribly wrong here grammatically. I just got lost.
I'm not sure what you're trying to do here. There are the essays that describe a moment with lots of descriptions and then those who follow the basic "moment--> lessons learned" structure. I don't know where you are. I'm sensing that you want to say something about your grandpa but it's not coming across clearly enough. Why did you suddenly feel so honored?
3AM must've done something to your grammar hehe. But the essay is unique in how it's analyzing a very small everyday moment and gaining something from it. Just make it more clear please.
Yes, 3AM did something to my grammar, because I typed for an hour straight without editing; this essays was supposed to be a second essay that was complimentary to a first one (the commonapp one). Although it should stand alone, I was going for a transition from me learning what my grandpa taught me to acting upon it.
I woke
Careful, there... you started in the past tense and then switched to present.
Why end the 1st para with 'lots of rain'... ? How about ending it with a sentence that will help the reader to interpret what this is all about. You could add a sentence. Maybe I am wrong, though... there are no rules in art... but that last sentence of the first para is crucial.
They smile back at me as a thank you for walking them.--ha ha, I wish my dog had that kind of appreciation. My dog just pretends to be my friend so I'll feed her.
This is awesome description, awesome writing, but I wonder if you can make it all a big metaphor for something else, perhaps something related to your plan for the upcoming years?
:-)
I think as an essay it's pretty good. However, it's important to ask the question, what is this essay telling them that they don't already know?
So far, it's clear that your Grandpa was a hard worker and obviously loved his dogs. Essentially, you are writing about how you are the only one in your family, who can wake up early and consistently walk the dogs (three weeks of it), and your somewhat memorializing your grandpa by doing what he did. Again, this is a great essay, but I would encourage you to maybe change gears and share something that might be more appropriate...maybe convey something about yourself that reflects the school mission statement, commitment to diversity, etc. Just my thoughts. BOL!!!
