The quality of Rice's academic life and the Residential College System are heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings. What perspective do you feel that you will contribute to life at Rice? (Most applicants are able to respond successfully in two to three double-spaced pages.)
Walking to Reality
My view on my life and the world has grown and changed along with my age and body. I walked through the narrow hallways of Elementary School-all four feet of me- with my oversized glasses and unbearably high-pitched voice with the ever feeling of security and comfort. The hallways gave a sense of acceptance, as I felt the same as all of my other classmates, with no worries. Situations like finding the best spot on the reading rug and being picked on the best recess football team were my biggest concerns. My daily adventures with classmates, whether it was pendulating on the monkey bars at school or playing outdated video games at the home of a friend, seemed endless, always filled with a new sense of excitement and wonder. If someone were to ask me what I thought my life would be like 5-10 years from then, I would have swiftly replied that it would be the same except everyone would be older, of course; I was young then.
As the daunting yet enkindling idea of middle school arrived, my romantic view remained unchanged although not as strong as before. I still pictured traveling with all of my old companions through strange new hallways encompassed with an infinite amount of gleaming metal lockers, not being fazed by the influx of new children from districts all over of what seemed like the world to me. My certainty of staying close to the friends I spent my early years of life turned into a dream as everyone parted their separate ways. Hours upon hours of screeching and scrambling around playing fictitious sports with one another turned into a simple hello or head nod in the hallway. My idea of a perfect world was not so perfect after all.
Faster then I could comprehend, high school arrived. The wonderful days of elementary school were long gone as priorities of receiving excellent grades and test scores were fastened on me. This time my romantic views of finding the perfect group of friends and being accepted by everyone had disappeared just as my glasses and shaggy hair had. Former "best friends" lost their ways or fell into the abyss of cliques. Hallways crowded with groups of judgmental and close-minded groups. Unlike elementary school, in high school, I thought color was much more important than which colored pencil to choose. Rather than expressing and priding in my rich cultural traditions and values bestowed upon me from my parents, I began to confine and conform to the crowd, hoping it would "get me in".
I then realized, where would culture be if everyone conformed to a subset? What would I be able to pass down to my children-- a multitude of cultural traditions, cuisine, and values or a generic view on the world and life? I began to see that being ashamed and disingenuous of ones roots can lead to self-deprecation and unhappiness. Why does one need to conform to an environment rather than have an environment conform to them. With the residential college system at Rice, I look forward to meet and embrace culture and traditions from all walks of life. My experiences have helped me realize the meaning of true self and I believe I can help others find it as well. Although many of my romantic views have faded since elementary school, I have gained a new perspective on this world and believe that you just have to walk down those hallways with pride and confidence and leave the rest alone.
- Sheel P
Try taking out words to make it mysterious, brief, powerful:
My view has changed with my age and body. I walked through the narrow hallways of Elementary School elementary school - all four feet of me - with my over-sized glasses and...
unbearably high-pitched voice. with the ever feeling of Always, I had a feeling of security and comfort.
The hallways gave a sense of acceptance, as.... with one another turned into a simple hello or head nod in the hallway. My idea of a perfect world was not so perfect after all. I want to cut out all this. The reader does not want to hear the life story. BUT the reader does want to hear about ...
Faster then I could comprehend, high school arrived.
This would be a great way to START the essay:
The wonderful days of elementary school were long gone as priorities of receiving excellent grades and test scores were fastened on me in high school. My romantic views of finding the perfect group of friends and being accepted by everyone had disappeared just as my glasses and shaggy hair had. Former "best friends" lost their ---See, if you begin the essay with this, the reader has to figure out a lot of things on her own.
Readers love to figure things out on their own. :-)
I then realized, where would culture be if everyone conformed to a subset? What would I be able to pass down to my children-- a multitude of cultural traditions, cuisine, and values or ---And here is where the real CONCEPT of the essay appears. Great job! I think a lot of the first half should be cut so you can focus on this concept.
Good writing is not about what you include, but rather about what you omit. Less is more when focusing a reader's attention.
