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'I have always wanted to be a doctor' - extracurricular activities or work experience


Dilara1010 4 / 17  
Dec 30, 2011   #1
From the age of 10, I have always wanted to be a doctor. High school was the first time that I was able to fully express my passion for this career. Junior year I joined the HOSA (Health Occupations Students of America) club of my school that would help me to further my knowledge of this future. The students of this club got the opportunity to volunteer through out the year at various places such as, retirement homes, food banks, and even competed in a yearly competition. One of the most wanted volunteer opportunities was at the Ronald McDonald House. The Ronald McDonald house is a home for families who have children in the local hospital. The home provides a safe and affordable means of stay for those that can not afford a long stay at a hotel.

Each year people longed to volunteer at the house, and due to the amount of people wanting to attend. There was a drawing each year and five lucky students were chosen to volunteer. Of those five, I was one of them last year. The experience was a life changing and amazing. Our job for that day was to prepare dinner for the families staying there. On the menu was meatballs, gravy, mashed potatoes, corn, and of course desert, cheesecake. We got there two hours before dinner which was served at the same time every day. We quickly began cooking because we had a lot to get done.

When the food was finally done people from the homes began coming downstairs. It was amazing how thankful they were for a simply that had only taken us two short hours to prepare. There were people of all ages and each one had a story to tell. There was the mother that had a new born that was getting heart surgery performed on him that day, a little girl that was there for her third surgery, all of the stories were so touching. It was amazing to think that this house ran on volunteering and charity work. I was so thankful for being able to volunteer that day. I went home feeling accomplished that day, I felt incredible knowing that I had done something that was truly essential to 20 families. If given the opportunity I would go back there any day to volunteer again.
bommy1994 3 / 8  
Dec 30, 2011   #2
are you aware that this needs to be less than 1,000 characters? not words! I think you need to shorten it up a bit!
OP Dilara1010 4 / 17  
Dec 30, 2011   #3
Omg thank you so much!
dychung7 7 / 19  
Dec 31, 2011   #4
Returning the favor as promised:

The most life changing volunteering experience I have ever contributed in was during junior year in HOSA (what is HOSA?) . The students of this club got the various opportunities to volunteer; the most wanted was the Ronald McDonald House. Each year there was a drawing to volunteer and five students were chosen, last year I was one of them. Our job for that day was to prepare dinner; on the menu was meatballs, gravy, and mashed potatoes . We arrived two hours before dinner and quickly began cooking. The food was done and people began eating. It was amazing how thankful they were for a simple meal of meatballs, gravy, and mashed potatoes . There were people of all ages and each one had a story to tell. There was a mother that had a new born that was getting heart surgery performed. It was amazing to think that this house ran on volunteering and charity work. I was thankful for being able to volunteer and went home feeling accomplished, If given the opportunity I would go back there any day to volunteer again.

Your sentences are kinda short. Combine some sentences to eliminate the choppiness.
jasononwenu 5 / 19  
Dec 31, 2011   #5
I feel that your response is good and personal, but what is HOSA and what do they do? Plus, your sentences are a bit choppy.
sg120 5 / 10 2  
Dec 31, 2011   #6
Your essay is good overall. I think you should tell more about what HOSA is and what it does and maybe make your sentences a bit complex?
ekreal 6 / 35  
Jan 1, 2012   #7
"Thank you!" each person said as they went around the table getting food. There were people of all ages and each one had a story to tell. One I will never fortget was the mother whose newborn son was having heart surgery that day. This was at the Ronald McDonald House, the most wanted volunteer event of the year, in which five students were chosen from a drawing. It was in Health Occupations Students of America,In junior year I was finally chosen to participate . Our job for that day was to prepare dinner for those staying there. I imagined it would be a quick and simple preparation; however, it was far more than I thought. The experience was life changing; it was gratifying to see how thankful they were for a simple meal. I was grateful for being able to participate in such an event in which one really does learn how important the little things are. It was incredible that this house ran on volunteering and charity work. If given the opportunity I would go back any day to volunteer again.

I would elaborate on why it wasn't just an easy task, otherwise the sentence seems unimportant :)

Hope you could give my common app essay a look?
OP Dilara1010 4 / 17  
Jan 1, 2012   #8
By that sentence I mean I thought it would be quick and simple rather it was life changing.


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