At age sixteen, I had a burning resolve to never be an engineer.
It wasn't that I hated maths and science-not at all. It was simply due to the fact that four of my siblings had already taken that path; being the devoted non-conformist that I was, I shuddered at the thought of being another member of that flock.
Atiqah at age sixteen would probably lament how far Atiqah at age eighteen had fallen considering the fact that she is going on the same road that her siblings did. However, it was also at age sixteen when I had a change of heart towards engineering. I remember entering the solar boat competition as some form of escape from art and how much of a disaster it was at the start. Lack of tools, ill preparation and basically a case of 'beginner's syndrome' put my team in a spot but we did manage to successfully produce an actual solar boat, albeit somewhat a sham compared to those of our more experienced adversaries, but hey, it worked! Regardless, what really hit me by surprise was the sense of community that was evident throughout the event. Beginners and veterans alike were exchanging advice, compliments and even tips with each other. That truly made me realise that being there was not simply a matter of proving our intellectual superiority but a matter of learning for each and every one of us.
Engineering started to not seem like such a bad idea at all.
It was when I was seventeen and my last year of high school when realism started to tear down my idealistic dreams. After slaving on art works for others for two years I began to want to rethink my decision on wanting to settle on art as a life career. Art was something I had dabbled in for almost all my life and I thought that it was time for something new. I began contemplating different careers for months-from geology all the way to psychology-but it was when I was reading an article about the soon to-be-out PS4-the playstation being a staple of the family and video gaming being something I picked up from my brothers-that it hit me that one day I would want to be able to work in the video-gaming industry. It may seem like another idealistic dream but it was something that I had thought of ever since I first started holding the playstation controller.
"So Atiqah, what do you plan to do?" my father asked me for the hundredth time as I got into the car. After answering "I'll think about it later." countlessly before, I finally could give him a definite answer: "Computer engineering."
Once that was settled, I was originally thinking of a maybe doing a double degree in both fine arts and computer engineering but I figured that I really might just overtax myself and reserved myself to art as minor instead. The main issue for me able to do this though was the fact that I need to find a university which is good in both departments-something almost impossible to find.
And that was how I came about to CMU, the exception to that rule.
I find it absolutely amazing that CMU not only has an amazing ECE school but also offers me an opportunity to take high quality electives in art and social sciences. CIT itself puts a heavy emphasis on interdisciplinary education as seen by the multiple interdisciplinary research departments that it offers. This makes me believe that I can finally combine both art and sciences, despite keeping pursuits in both disciplines separate before, in my innovations. That depth and breadth of the engineering school also does not only make my goal to enter the video-gaming technology industry possible but also that it provides a multitude of opportunities to explore the other departments, be it robotics or even sustainable energy.
CIT also rewards its high achieving students by providing an opportunity to go into its Master's programs without the hassle of application matters with the IMB program, something that I hope to strive for as I can further go into research and even expand my job prospects by taking up a Master's Degree in ECE or software engineering.
From engineering to art, I find that CMU is the perfect university for me to achieve my dreams.
Word count: 732.
I need some feedback and if anyone could point out some unnecessary words, please do since I want to lower the word count if I could.
I think the idea of your essay is great but like you said its very wordy. Maybe you should remove that part of "Atiqah" because it doesnt add anything to the essay really.(by the way maybe the admission officer wont know who Atiqah is, if its important to you give out some background but it will make the essay even longer, if not remove it).
Overall I beleive its a good essay, keep it up mate!
Once that was settled, I was originally thinking of a maybe doing a double degree in both fine arts and computer engineering but I figured that I really might just overtax myself and reserved myself to art as minor instead. The main issue for me able to do this though was the fact that I need to find a university which is good in both departments-something almost impossible to find.
Overall, I enjoyed reading your essay, but I think this part can be shortened.. maybe remove the part about double degree? Anyway, I think it's a strong essay. Good Luck!
At age sixteen, I had a burning resolve to never be an engineer.
It wasn't that I hated maths and science-not at all. It was simply due to the fact that four of my siblings had already taken that path; being the devoted non-conformist that I was, I shuddered at the thought of being another member of that flock.
But then again, it was also at age sixteen when I had a change of heart towards engineering.
I remember entering the solar boat competition as some form of escape from art and how much of a disaster it was at the start. Lack of tools, ill preparation and basically a case of 'beginner's syndrome' put my team in a spot but we did manage to successfully produce an actual solar boat, albeit somewhat a sham compared to those of our more experienced adversaries, but hey, it worked! Regardless, what really hit me by surprise was the sense of community that was evident throughout the whole event. Beginners and veterans alike were exchanging advice and even tips with each other. That truly made me realise that being there was not simply a matter of proving our intellectual superiority but a matter of learning for each and every one of us.
Engineering started to not seem like such a bad idea at all.
It was when I was seventeen and in my last year of high school when realism started to tear down my idealistic dreams. After slaving on art works for others for two years I began to want to rethink my decision on wanting to settle on art as a life career. Art was something I had dabbled in for all my life and I thought that it was time for something new. I began contemplating different careers for months-from geology all the way to psychology-but it was when I was reading an article about the PS4-the playstation being a staple of the family and video gaming being something I picked up from my brothers-that it hit me that one day I would want to be able to work in the video-gaming industry. It was actually something that I had thought of ever since I first started holding the playstation controller but I had only then realised that with engineering, such a goal may be possible.
"So Atiqah, what do you plan to do?" my father asked me for the hundredth time as I got into the car. After answering "I'll think about it later." countlessly before, I finally could give him a definite answer: "Computer engineering."
Once that was settled, I decided that I would want to minor in arts as well. The main issue for me able to do this though was the fact that I needed to find a university which is good in both departments-something almost impossible to find.
And that was how I came about to CMU, the exception to that rule.
I find it absolutely amazing that CMU not only has an top-notch ECE school but also offers me an opportunity to take high quality electives in art and social sciences. CIT itself puts a heavy emphasis on interdisciplinary education as seen by the multiple interdisciplinary research departments that it offers. This makes me believe that I can finally combine both art and sciences, despite keeping pursuits in both disciplines separate before, in my innovations. That depth and breadth of the engineering school also does not only make my goal to enter the video-gaming technology industry possible but also that it provides a multitude of opportunities for me to explore the other departments, be it robotics or even sustainable energy.
CIT also rewards its high achieving students by providing an opportunity to go into its Master's programs without the hassle of application matters with the IMB program, something that I hope to strive for as I can further go into research and even expand my job prospects by taking up a Master's Degree in ECE or Software Engineering.
From engineering to art, I find that CMU is the perfect university for me to achieve my dreams.
word count: 680. Still a bit long but it fits into one page now. I still would prefer it to be a bit less wordy.
Btw, Atiqah is me and I was kind of referring to myself in third person for that part. I liked it being there but then again, I need this essay shortened so off it goes. Apart from that, I think that the ending of the essay seems a bit abrupt but I'm not very sure how to go about it.
