"I wanted to help others" - show not tell, The Ohio State University Admissions Essay

I'm applying to OSU and my teacher told me I need to "show" in the essay and not "tell" so here is my effort at that, please tell me what you think, I really appreciate it.

Why are you interested in attending the Ohio State University?

Imagine when you were a child every few months counting down to a different surgery. Imagine the immense pain after each one and the longing for it to get better. That's what my childhood was like. The surgery I remember most was the nissen fundoplication I had for my pharyngeal flap. After I woke up and the nurse started wheeling me to my room, every bump they hit put me in excruciating pain. The worst part though was when they would want me to sit up a little bit to try to eat, the pain in my stomach was unimaginable. By the 2nd grade, I could no longer move my right hip and had to have screws put in at the age of 15. Ever since I was young though, I always wanted to repay all the help I was given by Children's Hospital and the Ohio State residents that helped me. I remember the residents always being so nice and understanding-sometimes more than the doctors and nurses. They always brightened my day and made my operations more bearable. I realized when I was younger that I wanted to help others like they had helped me and hopefully repay the debt I felt I owed them. I feel that going to The Ohio State University would help me achieve that.

I think the essay is very descriptive, but a little choppy. But, I love the description!

Imagine when you were being a child and counting down to a different surgery every fewmonths.

...going to The Ohio State University would will help me achieve that.

You did show a terrible experience as a child, but you did not show your intentions, your plans.

Google this: imagery words list
That will help you to "show," in general. But to show your intentions, give a few sentences at the end about specific efforts you want to make in specific settings... and tell about some professors and resources at Ohio State that will empower you in specific ways. :-)

being that english is my second language, i cannot provide much feedback on your grammar. But i think your point of argument is excellent. However, it is almost cliched to say that you wanted to help people. as true as it might be, please try something else because lots of other college applicants would write the same thing about how their lives were changed in one day and how they wanted to help people from their newly found wisdom. The rest of the essay is very good. i think you know what you are writing and best of all, i could tell why you wanted to go to ohio...good job..just improve on that one thing and your all set