Prompt :Ben Franklin once said, 'All mankind is divided into three classes: those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move.'
Which are you?
After scraping my first idea, I wrote an essay that emphasized my extracurricular activity and leadership role.
I hear the well-known yell from the other side of the courts, as I feel the last sip of Gatorade slide down my dry throat. "Hustle back onto the court ladies." I force myself up, hauling my weary legs. The summer sun has soaked up all my energy and I continue to pant as my coach orders me to stand in the alley. A line of anxious tennis girls forms behind me as we await our next strenuous exercise.
Suicides... tennis style. We all release a heavy groan simultaneously before our coach lays down the rules; each girl sprints to the net, shuffles along the net to the other alley, and back-paddles to the baseline. I can imagine the starting gunfire, when the beep of the watch signals my start. I propel my legs and pump my arms, ignoring the ache in my legs. "Move, come on, faster!" I lunge for the net transitioning to a sideway shuffle. "Bend your knees, bend you knees!" I'm shuffling but at this point I'm almost immovable. "Lift your feet, move!" My feet drag across as I back-paddle to the finish. Another girl dashes off toward the net, as I claw my fingers into the fence to hold myself up.
After all the girls complete the drill and my breathing slows down, coach calls us into a circle to briskly brush over our upcoming practices and matches. When she gives me the floor, I spit out a few ideas for our team-bonding events and remind the girls to attend Captain's Practice the following night. The girls become antsy when they see their parents' cars roll into view, so I lead the team with our tennis cheer to close out practice.
The next night, I am eager to run Captain's Practice. Pleased with the attendance, I see the determination that was once locked away in these girls. As a Captain, I aimed to satisfy their hunger for tennis and ultimately help them improve. I planned to inspire the immovable through my experience and make them move. I certainly did not want them to be discouraged by tennis as I once was and I did not want them to give up as a result of failure.
Understanding the discomfort that I once felt as a beginner, I start by instructing a basic swing and follow through. With simple repetition of strokes, I witness the girls gradually improving. I encourage them to keep practicing, even if that means smashing tennis balls against their garage doors.
Though it took me sometime to realize the potential that I had in tennis, I always had a coach who pushed me to do better. She made me move... literally. After realizing my potential, I wanted to improve even more and compete. More importantly, I wanted the discouraged players to look optimistically at there mistakes, and think they can only get better. I wanted them to be moved.
Please tell me whether this idea works with the question and if I answer it clearly. Also please help me out with the ending. I understand it makes no sense.
I will also help you with yours. Thanks
I think that your quality of writing is excellent, but you missed the main point of the question. At the end you mentioned being immovable, moving others and being moved, which got quite confusing. I would suggest picking one part of the question and using tennis to elaborate on it. Has tennis moved you in any way, i.e changed your perspective on something? Or have you moved others through playing tennis? Like having a sibling that looks up to you in terms of your determination and the hard work you put into your sport? These are just a few things that came to mind to help you get thinking. Just rework your essay so you're talking less about tennis itself and elaborating more on how tennis has moved you/you've moved someone etc.
I hope I helped!! and if you could check out any of my stuff, it would be greatly appreciated! :)
I like the idea that you not are not only a person who move but also someone who moves the movable, but I think you should devote more space explaining why you are a person who moves. (If that was what you were going for)
I hope this helped. PS can you look at my essay.
