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'I wanted to navigate the seas of freedom' - significant experience essay


ccg123 1 / -  
Dec 4, 2011   #1
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you

At the tender age of 10, I wanted to navigate the seas of freedom by constructing a small-scale replica of the Queen Mary. Employing hammers and nails, I emulated the dock and the rails to perfection. After profuse tenure, I was confident to let dolls and toys sail. All shipwrights would have a tough time distinguishing the original from the duplicate, except in size that is. In retrieving the poised ship from the tranquil ocean, I felt only fragmented complacency. My ship was, at most, a mere replication. My arts and crafts class dwelled on imitation, and I conceived that freedom would not be attained till much later. Hence, I set aside my musing of nautical beings and prolonged my pursuit of freedom.

Amidst all this, I had my initial ordeal with freedom. The government snatched my father; he was employed as an example of what would happen to all those who came to the United States illegally. He was driving home, being done with his cyclical servitude, when he was pulled over. The tail lights had failed to initiate, and the repercussions had to be endured. He was arrested and handcuffed as if he was nothing more than a common criminal. He was innocent - being only guilty of providing for his family. In America, I learned, it all comes down to outer appearances. While immersed in concocting a technique to assert my father's innocence, I found an outlet to a paradoxical view of freedom! The freedom in humans proved to be both obstruct and amaranthine. By this I mean, a sole action in the exterior sphere is what often allocates a being into a dwelling of limited freedom and the comportment the prisoners adopt to withstand these grim conditions is done via freedom of choice. Therefore, I find freedom commences, guidies, and terminates a jail-term/prison-term and life in general, which is ironic in its own inherent way.

Years later, I see the heap of different takes on freedom as giving rise to my want to protect human life. Freedom has been the force in my growth, and education yields the route to navigate the capability of my being. Through my experience of seeing my father incarcerated, I have gained a deeper insight into everyday freedom and limited freedom. I have learned, that like freedom, the world is an accumulation of dynamic beings that sometimes get lost in the moment, but are nevertheless, humans. This will ultimately aid me in discovering myself, and will prevent me from becoming something I'm not. Life is a maze, and freedom is the guide. The person I am today was shaped by the 10 year old girl who set out on a mission to discover freedom.
hahahohohe 1 / 17  
Dec 4, 2011   #2
Hey,

Your essay is pretty focused, first from your art class ruminations to its connection with your father and finally how the experience relates to you as a person. The language is smooth and a wide range of vocabularies used. I enjoyed reading it.

I have one concern though. You mentioned that "In America, I learned, it all comes down to outer appearances."
This is a pretty provocative claim. Are you hinting that Americans are shallow? The admission officer might take offence at it.
I would suggest you to find a more euphemistic way to put it across.
Albeit that, good job. I like your ending!


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