Please elaborate on one of your activities (150 words or fewer)
At some point during high school, I decided that I wanted my own disposable income. I achieved this with a part time job at a locksmith's office. Despite the easy work and flexible hours, I became bored of entering data and recording bank transactions. At the beginning of the 2009 school year, I received an offer to tutor a student in math. The pay was better, and I only had to work for an hour at a time. Over the previous summer, I had become interested in cognition. I soon realized that tutoring was more than just a convenient job; it was an application of the concepts about which I had been reading. I was able to utilize my knowledge of learning and memory to teach more effectively. Conversely, I was intrigued by the mental processes I was invoking in my student; this prompted further study on my part. Tutoring ended up being as much of a learning experience on my part as on my students'.
I see nothing wrong here...anyone else? This is a good 150 word essay. Maybe the last sentence could be better.
Tutoring ended up being as much of a learning experience on my part as on my students'.
"Tutoring became a valuable learning experience, not only for my student, but for me as well."
Thanks. I spent longer thinking of the last line than I did writing the entire essay, and ended up not coming up with anything, so I wrote what I did.
I do the same thing! I just fill space with "whatever" until I or someone else can lend a fresh eye to it. In fact there's practically a whole thread somewhere on here of the beginning to a story I wrote that is almost entirely dedicated to coming up with a better way to say something. Ha! Not kidding. We have kinda shelved it for now...
BTW, I have learned so much by helping on this site. Stick around and read some more essays! It really helps to know what different people think about your writing, so don't be afraid to give comprehensive feedback. We are all learning from each other on here just like you and your student. :)
Ha ha, essays don't get much better than this! Well done. I wish I could help more, but I think you nailed it.
That fix Jeanie gave is good, for sure. "Ended up" is a little too clumsy phrasing.
You have such excellent skill with grammar, I think you could tutor for writing as well as math.