Why do you want to attend the academy?
Ever since I was a child, I have always wanted to do something for our country. My father, having served in the Navy, would always tell me stories about when he served and how much experience he got out of it. Being able to attend the Air Force Academy would give me an incredible education to use later on in my life and give me an unforgettable experience to help our great country that we live in.
Applying to the Air Force Academy has been more of a process than a decision, for myself. I have been waiting for the day to come for when I could actually apply to be a Cadet. My father told me about the military academies and that if I was really committed, I should apply when I'm older. I have been researching ever since I was in 6th grade about what college I would like to attend. I decided to take a look at what the Air Force Academy had to offer, and I realised that this was the one. The idea of family and being pushed by your colleagues really interested me. I was also interested in the education it could offer me. If I am chosen to attend, I would major in political science. Committing to five years of active duty afterwards is no problem to me. This reason alone is probably why I would like to attend the Academy. Serving my country is something I have always wanted to do, and being able to get an outstanding education at the same time is phenomenal.
Not only am I interested in how the Academy works, I am also interested in the leadership opportunities it has to offer. Leadership is an important aspect in my life. I have been in many leadership groups and have been given many leadership opportunities such as teaching younger kids how to play instruments and teaching them the basics of marching band.
Finally, I would like to challenge myself. I have always been the person that always wants to beat their own personal records. Whether that be pushing myself physically or mentally, I have always been a competitor when it comes to changing myself. Pushing boundaries is important in advancing in life, and I feel that I could get ahead in life if I was chosen to have an appointment to the Air Force Academy.
The values and honors of having an opportunity to have an appointment with the Air Force Academy would truly be a dream come true. As I continue on with my life, I want to live with respect, loyalty, and commitment. By joining the Academy, I would love to push myself to do great and make an impact on the world.
I appreciate your time and hope you would consider me for an appointment to the Air Force Academy.
What is good in this? What should I fix? Thanks for your feedback!!Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,797 
4780 Jen, you can actually improve the opening statement by combining the content of your first and second paragraph. Open with the fact that you are coming into the academy stemming from your family background. That creates an impact because you father, your direct bloodline, served. Therefore, military service could be said to be in your blood and you are now, after careful consideration, answering that call. Further explain why you do not have a problem offering 5 years of your life to military service. Make sure that the reviewer will believe that you are a person who is beginning to offer your life to the service of the country and you want the proper training in order to do so. With regards to the personal challenge, describe the challenge and why you believe that this is something that you can overcome by attending the academy. Overall, this is a solid response that has the potential to be highly impressive, I hope I can help you accomplish that.
