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"wanted to study abroad" + "mascot" - Grinnell essays

Cermi 4 / 12  
Dec 24, 2009   #1
1)Why Grinnell?

I've always wanted to study abroad and when the time came I started to look for the best schools. My main parametres were academic excellency, social life at campus and attitude towards international students. Grinnell college was one of the top schools in all three aspects and had several very attractive features - dormitories in Oxford and Cambridge style, great reputation amongst graduate schools and most importantly self-governance policy on campus. Moreover their attitude towards international students is second to none which is the main reason why it sits atop my list.


I believe that Cats are the most suitable mascot for Grinnell, as they share many features with Grinnell students - keen intelligence, bright senses, curiosity and playfulness. Moreover, Cats are always willing to go on and explore new things, which is exactly what Grinnell and its students have been doing since its foundation.

What do you think? The second one just doesnt feel right for me, I gotta do something with it. Thanks
SebK 1 / 6  
Dec 25, 2009   #2
I think both of your essays are good; even the second one, I like your choice of cats.
Wanderer_x 5 / 88  
Dec 25, 2009   #3
Its excellence, not excellency.
OP Cermi 4 / 12  
Dec 25, 2009   #4
Thanks, I'll correct it.

I'm an international students, which means that english in not my native language, and before I started with my applications, I never wrote any essays in English so it's quite difficult for me.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 27, 2009   #5
Some of my main priorities were academic excellence, social life at campus, and attitude towards international students.

Well, "social life" and "academic excellence" are kind of vague. Can you be more specific? Academic excellence among business students and a social atmosphere that is characterized by positive attitudes toward international students.
OP Cermi 4 / 12  
Dec 27, 2009   #6
Thank you very much Kevin. I'll rewrite it asap.
danieljluebke 3 / 8  
Dec 27, 2009   #7
What about something to do with the fact that Grinnell is in the middle of nowhere but offers a world of opportunity
OP Cermi 4 / 12  
Dec 27, 2009   #8
That's a nice touch, I'll think about it, but I'm afraid that 90% of the applicants mentions that Grinnell is in the middle of nowhere, but the second part looks great and maybe I could (and should..) use it.

However, one of main goals is originality, which means e.g. that I try not to read any other essays on the same topic. I'm not used to writing "American essays", since I have never had to write anything like that in my native language, which means that I can hardly compete with guys who has been writting all the time at school. I am an international, I try to be original (dunno if I succeed), I try to write everything "my way". It may not be the best way and it may cost me some points, but I'm willing to sacrifice that, because I dont want to lose my originality. If I did that, it wouldnt be me writing.

Hope you understand what I mean, my English is still not so good as I would like it to be...

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