I wrote this for Harvard additional essay. I didn't use may flowery words, to convey a sense of deep but plain love. But I don't know whether it works. Any imput is much appreciated!!
"Set me as a seal on your heart," I recited as I hugged you in my arms with my eyes fixed on your pinky cheek and serene eyes, "as a seal on your arm; For love is strong as death. Many waters can't quench love, neither can..." "Mom! She peed!" I screamed out with my arms in an awkward position, not knowing what to do with the emergency, as the warm stream soaked my trousers. I heard mom hurrying over, searching every drawer for a new diaper and dad rushing out from the kitchen to see what was happening. Everything was in a mess, with your continuous whimper as the most suitable background music.
That was December the sixteenth, the first day you arrived home from hospital after the very first day you were born, bringing joy as well as incessant troubles to the family. And, most importantly, the already fifteen years old I since then become an older sister, witnessing the growth of a brand new life.
I would like to provide you all that the world has to offer. I learnt by heart the nuance between your three meals of milk in a day, making exactly 3 spoons, 4 spoons and 3 spoons of milk powder with separately 150ml, 200ml and 170ml water. I tried to prepare meals for you, even at the first time I rushed to the kitchen in trace of an ominous smell only to find out the porridge burnt. I love to come up to your cradle to give you a rock in the warm afternoon, watching the sun shades on your face and the longing hidden in your eyes for adventure into the mysterious world around you. I recite all the most beautiful poems that I have ever learnt, interpreting your giggles as a kind of tacit recognition. I tried to provide you with the best clothes, food and books, all the things that I was eager for but didn't have the condition to get. I protected you with my whole heart because I felt the strong connection between you and me, something, within our blood, our identity, and our names, that runs through every second of my life.
I watched you grow up from a little baby to speaking out your first "sister" after a long 'meditation'. I witnessed you from crawling with difficulty to running everywhere in the house to examine every trifle thing to your curiosity. I, for the first time in my life, was so clear about the 'metamorphosis' everybody has to go through in life and also the strength of love.
But there were something more you taught me. When you went on the stage of the kindergarten without hesitation, I felt an impetus that has parted from me so long ago. You are so brave, never calculating the possibility of loss and win. From the steadiness in your ingénue eyes, I saw confidence and the longing for a dream. When you cried out at the departure of your friends, I felt the expression of love that has long been overlooked. Through the glittering tears in your eyes, I saw the sincerity to a friend and the emotions deep inside every young hearts. I found myself in your shadows, watching your steps like recalling my own childhood in a continuous instead of montage way. I was pushed to come to know the things I have lost unconsciously in my growth to an adolescent. You ignited my passions and also my bravery to laugh out loud and cry hard.
Today is your birthday, what beautiful wishes are you going to make? I'm going to pray for you and I will see your smile, like the warmest sun in my life.
will this really work ,as being practical u were just a kid and describing those things in the 1st para is somewhat questioning ...
I screamed out with my arms in an awkward position, not knowing what to do with the emergency, as the warm stream soaked my trousers. I heard mom hurrying over, searching every drawer for a new diaper and dad rushing out from the kitchen to see what was happening.
these cud be better placed as if ur mom describing it to u...
best of luck
i'm also applying 4 Harvard!!!!!!!!!!
Thx Shanky,
Actually what I meant in the first para is that I didn't know what to do at the first time when my younger sis peed.
Anyways, I may made it too misleading myself. Thx for your input!
Let's take the word meditation out of those ' ' marks. It is a perfectly valid word for the baby's intense focus before speaking a word.
Today is your birthday; what beautiful wishes are you going to make?
This essay is so very cool... I don't want to suggest any changes. It is great that it is written in the 2nd person perspective and directed to her... the AO reader is going to love it, and we are all lucky you shared it.
