@ dumi, do you not suggest I re-write it then? I
I don't see any reason as to why you should re-write it. For me it flows really beautiful and contains very good points to support you with your scholarship application.
Is it as an over all fairly-written as far as the focus of the essay?
It is an over all outstanding essay :)
If at all you need to add anything, give some thought for what abrownie mentioned;
I believe that the essay lacks a clear understanding of what karate means to you.
You can replace the following sentence with another line to talk about how Karate impacted your personality.
Finally, I could see how sincerely my parents supported me and believed in what I'm doing.
Even if you don't make any changes and leave it as it is, it reads well :)