Hello guys, I have to submit this before the 1st of November so please help mee. I know its got loads of mistakes.
Prompt : This personal statement helps us become acquainted with you in ways different from courses, grades, test scores, and other objective data. It will demonstrate your ability to organize thoughts and express yourself. We are looking for an essay that will help us know you better as a person and as a student.
All around the world, children long for the New Year eve to see the sparks and colors of the fire works. I can merely say I never liked the explosion sounds and sparks in my home-land, simply because they were rather a source of sorrow to people than joy. As I spent almost six years in the war zone of Baghdad; I slept with fear and got awaken by explosions, I watched people losing their beloved ones yet still smiled to the world because, as I believe, they embraced difficulties and burnt them as a fuel for the journey of life.
Nevertheless, I did not only see my people struggling in the war. I have had a number of conversations with soldiers, who were on duty in Iraq, and they used to tell me how much they miss their families, how they would spare anything to hug their daughters and mothers and how badly they just want to go to where the heart is comforted and its beating can have a peaceful rhythm; home.
I would never forget the time when there was an explosion three blocks away from my house, I can still remember how my house windows shattered, hear the police sirens shadowing the screams of children and see people being taken to hospitals. However, amongst those people was someone I could identify, I looked closely running towards the street to see and there was my best friend with a major cut on his neck, bleeding and crying for help. He saw me and cried out for help with his hands approaching me. That was the moment wherein I could not hold my feelings; I could feel the pain of the scene flowing in my arteries and being reflected as tears in my eyes. Thankfully, he was rescued and I could sit with him and laugh after few months. That incident changed the way I looked at life, Life can't be halted by anything and no matter what one goes through, just have patience and hard times are like ashes, eventually disappear with the wind of time. As a matter of fact, I've had the chance to watch and enjoy the fire works of the New Year eve for the last three years and it could feel they looked greatly nicer than I imagined as they were accompanied by a feeling of harvesting what I was patient and strong through.
All the events that took place before my eyes made me comprehend the way life should be lived, what doesn't kill you make you stronger would be the perfect description of what I witnessed and I usually say "I have seen enough death to appreciate life" and therefore, I keep quoting Francois Fenelon and will always tell my children and grandchildren that "All wars are civil wars, because all men are brothers."
The current words count is 474 and the limit is 500 so I can add a bit more if you have any suggestions. tell me what you guys think please. Cheers.
after a few months
what doesn't kill you makes you stronger
I think this is an amazing essay, but i think you should put a conclusion at the end of the essay. Your essay needs to show what kind of person you are, so maybe you can add, "...makes me a strong person" or something like that.
