Hi, this is 750 words and the essay is supposed to be ~500. I would really appreciate any feedback at all before November 1st. It's my first time posting on this site I just wanted some advice on parts that seem insignificant and if this gives a strong representation of the person I am. Again, thank you so much!
(Basically I wrote about a topic of my choice for this essay. I'm not really sure what the prompt would be.)
Common App: Personal StatementStaying Golden
I come from a modest family with modest values. My parents' trust in me often made me think twice before making decisions. The fact that they rarely doubted my judgment was almost a burden that I tried my best to uphold. My classmates were generally hesitant to socialize with me after I declined several situations that tested these values. This coupled with my introverted nature often made me feel lonely, and I buried myself in books, sacrificing friendships. Adults would frequently compliment me on my mature behavior. However, I was just a child, and I wanted to have friends who shared my thoughts and interests. I often felt there was no place outside of home I could feel comfortable.
Maybe I was one of the few five-year olds that had my own personal Jiminy Cricket perched on my shoulder, constantly asking me if I was making the right choice. A few years ago, I'd ask my mom if I would ever make lifelong friendships. By listening to her advice to "come out of my shell," I slowly poked my head out in my adolescent years and found that it just takes openness and a desire to find common ground to try to connect to anyone. I also realized that something positive can be found in any situation.
Since the day I stepped into high school, I have been the thoroughly happy person I am today. I worried all morning the first day about who I would eat lunch with, and I was thrilled when a few girls in some of my classes asked me to sit with them. I realized that things were changing. What changed is that the people I met affirmed the belief I had that it is not the clothes or shoes that make a person, but his or her passions and values that do. By genuinely accepting me, my friends gave me a lasting sense of confidence, and I felt at ease for the first time.
Today, the self-assurance and openness I developed is reflected in my wonderful relationships with my peers, teachers, and other influential people in my life. In hindsight, I see that a combination of my small-town upbringing and undeveloped social skills contributed to my feelings of anguish. I realized that my eighth grade graduating class of fifty-three was just a tiny portion of the world. After three years of high school, I developed my people skills, and I am proud to say that I never once doubted my core values.
In these last few years, I have learned how to build relationships, and most importantly, how to be happy. At school, I live with five people that I now cannot imagine my life without. I am more open and willing to place myself in new and challenging situations. Next week, I look forward to dancing before an audience of 300 in a Diwali cultural performance. I have become a leader in many contexts: in clubs, at home, and in my relationships.
As Johnny, a character from the novel Outsiders by S.E. Hinton advised his friend, I have stayed golden to myself while achieving a balance between my inner conscience and the outside world, a world that doesn't seem so distant anymore.