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'watched the NYU Symphony Orchestra' - Why NYU?


carochoi 3 / 22  
Dec 27, 2011   #1
Hey all, I was wondering if I could have some critique on my Why NYU supplement. Any help will be greatly appreciated.

WHY NYU?

As I watched the NYU Symphony Orchestra perform the winning scores from Steinhardt's annual Film Scoring Competition, what had once been a simple interest amplified to near-obsession. The difference between reputation and experience is incalculable; I'd heard how excellent NYU's arts programs are, but experiencing them for myself floored me. I was not only amazed by the acoustics of the Skirball center, but also by the amount of talent that was shown by both the musicians and the composers. A musician since I was four and an intellectual by nature, I want both the best possible atmosphere and the best possible education: NYU.

NYU focuses on communications like no other school does. It provides unique opportunities for communications majors (which I hope to be), like the Comm Club and the Women in Communications, in which I'll meet like-minded aficionados who share my interests.

Moreover, just as NYU does, I'd rather break my boundaries and evolve than tether myself to the past. At NYU, I will get a chance to do exactly that: I'll explore the teeming metropolis that will mold my perspective, revelations revealed with every step. What other university allows a student to take a Food Photography class then visit Langston Hughes' house? None. That's only possible at NYU, which caters to students like me who want to make the most out of their college experience by intertwining education with exploration.
postscript94 5 / 14  
Dec 27, 2011   #2
your essay is very well written and you did good job of transitioning from the orchestra to your overall impression of nyu

there are a few grammatical mistakes however:
NYU focuses on communications like no other school does. It provides unique opportunities for communications majors (which I hope to be), like the Comm Club and the Women in Communications, in which I'll meet like-minded aficionados who share my interests.

or you could make it:
the Women in Communications club ,

and just look over your use of commas and semi colons

just proofread from grammatical errors and I think you are good to go! good luck!

by the way I would really appreciate it if you could look over my engineering essay thanks!
arbrelibre 5 / 27  
Dec 29, 2011   #4
There is honestly nothing I would change. I find your essay has a very honest tone, so I'd be cautious about shifting the wording around too much.

A musician since I was four and an intellectual by nature, I want both the best possible atmosphere and the best possible education: NYU.

Perhaps, this would be stronger as: "A musician since age four, and an intellectual by nature, I want both the best possible..."

Good luck with NYU!

Mind looking over my Feminism essay?


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