Hi Guys, the maximum word is 500, but mine is 886. I really dont know what to shorten.
Please comment and make changes as you want.
Thank you very much.
Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence
As I sat thinking about what to write for the person of significance, I thought of some great characters in history or some fictional heroes such as Spiderman, Batman. But when I look back 2 years from now, I cannot measure exactly how much I have grown since the moment I first stepped my foot in America. One of the most influential factors that help me to build my personality is my Taiwanese friend, Allen.
I am a senior at the Newman School in Boston. It was the beginning of my junior year when I first met Allen; he looked just like a normal boy with average performance in school. Later on, I began to understand more about his personality and know more about his family.
Allen and I have a lot in common. We usually talk about our lives and interests. We also have the same sense of humor. It is such a pleasant thing if there is someone you can share and play with as a friend when you are far away from home. My first year at Newman was a very tough year for me; I faced problems such as culture shock, homesickness, and difficulties in having social relations. Allen helped me a lot in getting over my problems. He was there when I needed to share my worries. From him, I can enrich my experiences. In the bottom of my heart, I felt such a miracle happens in this world when I can find myself in another person from Taiwan, which is halfway around the world.
The fact that he is not from a rich family strikes me the most. Most of the international students in my school are from upper-class families that can fully support them financially. Through many conversations, I realized that Allen comes from a normal Taiwanese family where his parents are working extremely hard to earn enough money for him so that he can be able to study in the States. I can know that in his mind, Allen knows well about that. He knows where he comes from, what does he have and what he has to do. Spending money on something for Allen is a considerable problem. He always considers carefully what to spend and how to spend. He chooses the way that can save the most. I started to look at myself; I come from a family where my parents can give me everything. Whenever I need something, I just ask for it and I always have what I want. I never do something that truly takes efforts and hard works. When I look at Allen, I can see a normal person but with extraordinary efforts and wills. He motivated me. He inspired me. He made me want to work hard. He made me want to come in front of my parents and say "I am sorry". I have wasted my parents' sweats and hard works for so long. Allen certainly changes me in the way I live. I have become more responsible for my life and for what my parents have given me.
Allen is an outstanding basketball player; he was one of the key players contributes to the championship tittle of the school last year. He is a phenomenal point guard. Watching Allen playing is just stunning. Moreover, he gains many respects and attentions from people. I have never played basketball well in my life. Not because I do not have the good facilities to play, but it is because I am afraid of it. I played basketball when I was in middle school in Vietnam. I was always failed at playing basketball. It took months for me to practice dribble but just weeks for other. I realized that basketball is not for me. So, I quit after that.
Allen motivates me to play basketball again. Deep inside my heart, I want to be like Allen; I want to be better. I want to face my own weakness and beat it. I want to contribute myself to the school with my sweats and hard work. I want to receive appreciations from people. Currently, I am playing for JV team of my school. Even though I have faced many difficulties and failures, I still want to play basketball. Because no matter what can I achieved, I still know that there always will be the Allen in my mind that I always look up to and motivates me to fight agaisnt my weaknesses.
I have known Allen for two years now; it seems like he does not change much. The only thing I can see is that he works harder and harder everyday and his point guard position is more and more outstanding. I am truly happy to write something about him because I can feel that after all the positive influences Allen have had on me, I can pay him back in someway. It has been one of the happiest times in my life when I spend it at Newman. It is the place that I can truly find myself through the "perfect" Allen. I am very proud to say that Allen is my friend and to say that he is the most extraordinary friend I have ever had.
I think deleting the below sentences will not change the essence of your essay
Good luck
As I sat thinking about what to write for the person of significance, I thought of some great characters in history or some fictional heroes such as Spiderman, Batman. But when I look back 2 years from now, I cannot measure exactly how much I have grown since the moment I first stepped my foot in America.
We usually talk about our lives and interests
Allen helped me a lot in getting over my problems.
I can know that in his mind, Allen knows well about that
He always considers carefully what to spend and how to spend. He chooses the way that can save the most
It has been one of the happiest times in my life when I spend it at Newman. It is the place that I can truly find myself through the "perfect" Allen.
