Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 2


watching a 'Stand Up To Cancer' special - JHU


Midgems 1 / -  
Dec 30, 2010   #1
I came up with this in about 2 hours only and i'm frantically rushing to meet the deadline in just 2 days!! Its 241 words. Your critique will be very much appreciated =)

Prompt - A Typical student at Johns Hopkins spends less than 15 hours each week in a classroom, leaving lots of time for volunteer opportunities, clubs and organizations, athletics, social events, and other on- and off-campus activities. Aside from the academic interests you've already expressed, in what activities do you plan to engage as an undergraduate at Johns Hopkins?

One afternoon I was watching a 'Stand Up To Cancer' special on television. It was hosted by many of today's prominent celebrities, all of whom used their stardom to reach out to the public to make donations for cancer research. The two-hour special bombarded the viewers with alarming facts and figures about the proliferating disease and it struck a chord with me. My mother once had a scare with cervical cancer and it completely put everything in perspective for me. It left me with a burning to desire to know why a cure for cancer could not be created.

The one thing that I noticed a lot from the show was that 'Johns Hopkins' frequently showed up in the video excerpts showcasing the multitudes of scientist working on a cure. Everything seemed to fall into place for me. Being in Johns Hopkins would allow me access to the Sidney Kimmel Comprehensive Cancer Center. I would feel fulfilled dedicating my free time to volunteer at the center and be more hands-on in defeating cancer.

I may not be a celebrity that can fork out large sums of money to fuel cancer research but I can dedicate my time and energy to help out at the center. I realize that I may not actually get the chance to come up with a cure, but perhaps I can be someone to a patient that has no one. And that would be enough for me.
ninasen17 3 / 4  
Dec 30, 2010   #2
One afternoon I was watching a 'Stand Up To Cancer' special on television. It was hosted by many of today's prominent celebrities, all of whom used their stardom to reach out to the public to make donations for cancer research. The two-hour special bombarded the viewers with alarming facts and figures about the proliferating disease and it struck a chord with me. My mother once had a scare with cervical cancer and it completely put everything in perspective for me. It left me with a burning to desire to know why a cure for cancer could not be created.

The one thing that I noticed a lot from the show was that 'Johns Hopkins' frequently showed upappeared in the video excerpts showcasing the multitudes of scientist working on a cure. Everything seemed to fall into place for me. Being in Johns Hopkins would allow me access to the Sidney Kimmel Comprehensive Cancer Center. I would feel fulfilled dedicating my free time to volunteer at the center and be more hands-on in defeating cancer.

its a good topic but i think you need to focus on yourself more. the language is a bit too casual and i tried to fix the most obvious errors and such. your last paragraph is good though. make things more focused and to the point.


Home / Undergraduate / watching a 'Stand Up To Cancer' special - JHU
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳