Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences.
Needs plenty of revisions and i am also wondering if i should re do this entire essay including the topic. any criticism is welcomed
Back in second grade, I was on a plane with my mom and my brother. We were on our way to Africa to visit family we haven't seen in a long time. It was a very emotional time for my mother because she seldom gets to spend time with her ill and aging parents. Soccer is religion over there. Dozens of children playing barefoot in the dirt at 4 A.M. was nothing out of the ordinary, which I couldn't complain about. All those children playing passionately with hopes of getting out of the slums and playing in Europe. I always felt sort of awkward around them. They knew I lived in America, which to them, is the land where everyone succeeds. To them, living in America is equivalent to hitting the lottery. I sensed that they felt I was a spoiled rich kid who didn't deserve to live in paradise, when in reality, my family has had plenty of financial struggles.
I witnessed all the hardships of getting by in a third world country, and it hit me. How can so many people in the world be living so lavishly, while children here are starving. I really felt awkward among them. Luckily, the dollar was very strong in Africa at this time, and we could buy many thing for those people.
Later on in the trip, we went to a resort. It was so beautiful there. It looked aas if it had been straight out of a post card. We went to a beach over there, and you could swear that we were in Europe. Everybody there was white. I met kids from everywhere. Soccer really is the universal sport, because my brother and I did not even have to look for a game. Everybody there was playing. There we met people from Belgium, Germany, croatia, the Netherlands, and more. Despitethe stereotypes I had seen first hand before, I did not expect this. The kids were looking down at us because it was quickly assumed that we resided in the same third world country that they vacation in. they believed that they were much higher than my brother and I because they lived lavishly, and we supposedly lived in slums. When we told them of our American citizenship, they merely disregarded it and sort of avoided us. I didn't fit in with the rich or the poor. The only time where I felt like I belonged was in America, and even then, my race has been subject to discrimination.
I think I agree with you, start anew, and try to think about the prompt more, is this supposed to be a "cultural experience"? what is the topic of this essay?
This is a good start: You've got the rudiments of an interesting essay that answers the question. Your narrative is a bit rambling, but with a stronger introduction and a summarizing conclusion that applies what you learned inyour travels to your future studies at Rutgers, you should be in good shape.
