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'Way to learn / Staten Island / Horrible language' - Tufts Supplements


calvinwang 3 / 32  
Dec 29, 2011   #1
Due Date: 01/03/2012

1. Which aspects of tufts' curriculum or undergraduate experience prompt your application? In short: "Why Tufts?" 50-100 words

I have always sought out challenges, anything to get ahead from the rest. For that reason, Tufts is the perfect match; its academic challenges and undergraduate research opportunities will pave my road to a successful future. Another desirable aspect to Tufts is its diversity. Raised in New York City, I deeply understand that a range of academic interests and personal perspectives adds much to the educational mix. Therefore, I feel the best way to learn is from not only the teachers but also the students around you. At Tufts I know I will grow both intellectually and personally. (98 words)

2. There is a Quaker saying: "Let your life speak." Describe the environment in which you were raised - your family, home, neighborhood, or community - and how it influenced the person you are today. 200-250 words

Born in the modest suburb known as Staten Island... raised half way across the world. When I was thirteen months old, my parents decided, based on their financial situation, to move me to China to live with my grandparents. The four years in China gave me many things. It gave me a Chinese accent, which consequently made me more subconscious of when to talk. However, it also taught me Chinese and how to play the piano, as well as giving me a closer relationship with my grandparents.

Hidden in Chinese is the key to unlocking my family's culture. Like any language, it is nearly impossible to translate Chinese without losing some of its meaning. Without Chinese, my parents wouldn't of been able to convey the values they have been brought up with: the importance of time, hard work, and selflessness.

When I was four, my grandmother taught me to play the piano. Now fourteen years later, I can play the piano along with two other instruments: clarinet and saxophone. If there was one thing I learned from my music teachers, it is that music is a gift worth passing to others.

My relationship with my grandparents showed me how family look out for one another. My grandparents took on the burden of raising a child when my parents could not. With them, I realized that family is the most important thing in my life. Over time, I realized what I've gained are treasures that I will keep forever. (248 words)

3. For the second short response, we ask you to consider the world around you. Now, consider the world within. Taste in music, food, and clothing can make a statement while politics, sports, religion, and ethnicity are often defining attributes. Are you a vegetarian? A poet? Do you prefer YouTube or test tubes, Mac or PC? Are you the drummer in an all-girl rock band? Do you tinker? Use the richness of your identity to frame your personal outlook. 200-250 words

It is hard to describe myself in words. To quote my current physics teacher, "English is a horrible language to describe the world; that is why Newton invented calculus." Now, lets say f(x) represents a normal day.

Function: I woke up and got dress myself with whatever I could find on the floor. I did not brush my hair and prepared to leave for school. I arrived at school and sat through my four A.P. classes. Then I returned home.

Derivative: I woke up half asleep. To this day, I still haven't resorted to drinking coffee. While at my summer internship, the Physician Assistant made a bet that I wouldn't last through college without a cup of coffee; I intend to win this bet. I got dressed. I absolutely refuse to pay fifty dollars for shirts and jeans. I will wear anything that fits me. My hair has stayed the same way for twelve years. If I brush it one way, it will just fall back to its original shape. I think my hair got its personality from me. I won't conform to outside pressure either. When I find something new, I don't tackle it in a normal pace; I devourer it. This is most evident when my A.P. English teacher gives out a new book. She advises us to read a little per night. I, on the other hand, find myself at 3AM with the book glued to my hands.

By now you have graphed the slopes to a twelve-hour closed interval function. I hope graph comes out to be a polynomial and not an irrational function. (268 words)

Please comment on the tone, structure, or grammatical flaws (or strong points). I will really really appreciate any comments any of you may have.

oh and a somewhat related question: Exactly how strict is Tufts' word limit? Is it suggestive or "U BETTER NOT HAVE A WORD OVER OR WE ARE CUTTING THE ENDING OFF!!!11"

Thank you for reading my essays.
TheN3094 4 / 16  
Dec 29, 2011   #2
Well I like your ideas, especially the calculus one. On the first one I think its pretty good and within word limit.
2nd one: I like how you include examples but it is all very jumpy. You go from talking about how they sent you to China to talking about piano and then your teacher. It needs an easier flow. Maybe it would help to narrow down your subjects and focus on those you pick.

3rd: when you say "I woke up and got dress myself with whatever" I think you meant I woke up and dressed myself. other than that I think your good. :)

OH AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP ON MY UVA ICE CREAM ESSAY. PLEASE HELP ME ON MY UPDATED VERSION!!!!!! I had to change it because I hadn't realized that I couldn't make it so customized to one school if I was going to send it to multiple schools. Thank youuuuuu!!!!!! :))))
makman09 9 / 86  
Dec 29, 2011   #3
For the first essay about what the Tuft curriculum appeals to you, I think its strong as it show who you are and how Tuft appeals to you, but one thing that I would do is eliminate what you say about diversity and focus more on what you have to say about challenge. Talk about it in a deeper level such as, "With complexity as a significant element of Tuft's curriculum, I want to challenge myself with their undergraduate research opportunities in order to strengthen my aspiration for (list major)." If you talk about it at a deeper level, then it'll become more stronger. I mean that's just my thoughts, you don't have to follow it.

For the second essay, I agree with what TheN3094 had to say.

For the third essay, I really love your creativity and how you communicated through the language of Calculus. It got me hooked, but that is only because I understand Calculus. I might be too cautious to assume that the admission reader might not know Calculus and won't get the essay, but then again, Tuft is an elite school so I'm pretty sure the admission readers know calculus. One thing that I would advise in include something about an integral. That would make your essay stronger and complete.

I'm just wondering, are you saying the derivative part to show that your hair is a constant and will never change because you should specify about it being a constant.

Other than that, I got what you said about the hair and AP English, but I don't get what you say about Coffee.

Other than that, you really impressed me.

Can you give my princeton supplement a read to return the favor please.
OP calvinwang 3 / 32  
Dec 29, 2011   #4
One thing that I would advise in include something about an integral.

I RLY RLY WANTED TO DO THAT! but im already over the word limit so i figured it was best to not go too deep. and ill be glad to read ur essay.
anshikav 4 / 19  
Dec 29, 2011   #5
The four years I spent in China gave me many things.

It gave me a Chinese accent, which consequently made me more sub conscious of when to talk when i talk? . However, it also taught me Chinese, how to play the piano, andas well as giving me a closer relationship with my grandparents.

how family looks out for one another.

I really like the idea of the third one, but read it over carefully there are quite a few grammatical mistakes
OP calvinwang 3 / 32  
Dec 29, 2011   #6
there are quite a few grammatical mistakes

mind listing a few? xD im rly bad at grammar. but thanks ill try to catch those mistakes.
shelia1993 4 / 22  
Dec 29, 2011   #7
The third one is really catchy. I love your tone in the third one. However, the second one is lack of something shining. Maybe, just choose to talk more about how Chinese influenced you, and omit the music part. Good Luck!
silentspring 12 / 58  
Dec 29, 2011   #8
"how family look out for one another" should be "how family looks out for one another"
Do you prefer YouTube or test tubes,--- very humorous!

I like your tone, it is very serene and smooth.
In some part of the responses (where you have space), try to incorporate some anecdotes. Narrow down a moment. That can make your essay more stand out.


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