Unanswered [27] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 5

'Wearing school uniform' - Haverford College Supplement-Honor Code


yf8651 16 / 31  
Jan 8, 2010   #1
Hello! I need your help. Please give me some advice to improve the essay,including the grammatical errors.
Any useful advice is welcomed! Thanks in advance!

Prompt: Write about an experience in which you encountered a tension between personal freedom and community standards. Discuss the experience and the underlying issues; how did you deal with the tension, and whether or not there was a satisfactory resolution.

The middle school I attended is strict both academically and socially. Every student is required to wear the school uniform during school time. Undoubtedly, the rule benefits students since uniforms can enhance team awareness and reduce comparison economically among students. Meanwhile, however, negative aspects of the stipulation annoy many students, including me.

In the elementary school, no one had forced me to wear the school uniform and the liberal environment there gave me ample room for self-expression through dress and manner. However, on the first day of middle school, the principal announced the must-wear-uniform rule. The community standards made me quite unhappy since it would be hard for me to wear whatever clothes I want and to better how my personality.

Before long, I regained the hope because the school would change the clothes policy, as I perceive it, if the majority of students opposed the rule (which is what I had expected). It seemed all I need to do was conform my perception and write a letter to the principal, persuading him to revise the uniform policy. As a monitor, I made a questionnaire with other peers and carried out an investigation among the freshmen of whether one needs to wear school uniform at school. Much out of our expectation, no party prevailed. Students were almost divided half by half concerning the uniform policy.

I realized, then, that there was no definite answer to that problem of whether to wear the school uniform; also, it seemed unnecessary to change the regulation according to everyone's benefits. Since the rule did not have to be revised, I tried to adapt myself to it. Although many years have passed, I can still remember that experience in middle school since strict rules there made me more disciplined and tolerant.

Here is another short "why essay"
Prompt: Why are you applying to Haverford? (No more than 200 characters)
From the liberal primary school to the diverse high school, I have been learning in schools known for respect and trust, which have shaped me. Haverford is a place where I will find these traits.
marpals 5 / 20  
Jan 9, 2010   #2
replace "whatever"..clothes
I think its more of your past experience. So try to change the tense. All I know is that it should not be in present tense.

Overall, you have been able to express yourself in a simple way. Thats good I think.
OP yf8651 16 / 31  
Jan 9, 2010   #3
Sorry marpals, I don't quite understand what you mean.

Should the essay be in "present tense" or "past tense"

Thank you
marpals 5 / 20  
Jan 12, 2010   #4
Oooppss... m so sorry to have missed out the main part. I mean.. since its talks more about your past experiences, it would be better if you change the tense into past.

Rest is fine.
TC :-)
dingpx - / 11  
Jan 12, 2010   #5
Sure, and here I am. I think your language level is much higher than mine, but every opinion worth taking, and I am happy to provide some.

TENSE
The middle school that I attended is strict both academically and socially. Every student is was required to wear the school uniform during school time. Undoubtedly, the rule benefits ed students since uniforms can enhance team awareness and reduce comparison economically among students. Meanwhile, however, negative aspects of the stipulation annoy ied many students, including me.

I think your original tense have some meaning. Were you thinking about some thing we learned in school such as " the teacher told us that the earth moves around the sun" when writing this essay. Uh~I can't make sure which tense to use actually. But once decided, keep consistant.

In the elementary school, no one had forced me I was not forced to wear the school uniform, and the liberal environment there gave me ample room for self-expression through dress and manner. However, on the first day of middle school, the principal announced the must-wear-uniform something like "Only-Uniform" rule. The community standards discipline made me quite unhappy since it would be hard for prevent/restrict me to wear from wearing whatever clothes I want and to from better showing show my personality. my uniqueness, or sth like that.

Much out of our my, who's we? expectation, no party neither side prevailed its opposite. Students were almost divided half by half concerning on the uniform policy issue.

In general, your essay is very on topic, clearly stated(except tense), and well focused. Uniform is a old topic but you do it innovatively. It's good to show that you first tried to change, which demonstrates sort of individulism and passion, ,and then you compromise for the opiniion of others, yeilding your quality to serve the majority and put your own interest aside.

Q上找你了。


Home / Undergraduate / 'Wearing school uniform' - Haverford College Supplement-Honor Code