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Well-balanced and fulfilling life - APPLICATION FOR UBC -- TELL US ABOUT WHO ARE

chrispereira 1 / -  
Nov 7, 2020   #1

Tell us about who you are.

How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why. (maximum 250 words)

I am most proud of the fact that I was able to lead a life that was both well-balanced and fulfilling. I pride myself on having followed through with the plan that was put in place years ago in my wanting to become a student at UBC. My driven nature has allowed me to pursue an array of various activities, ranging from teaching and playing several musical instruments, to lending a helping hand in the community. Throughout my life, I have often found myself in situations that require me to grow as an individual to achieve my goals. However, I was not always the type of person who sets their foot out into unknown waters, but rather was more comfortable in the safety of my own shell. My family and others around me described me as smart and persistent, but hesitant to venture out of my comfort zone. With much encouragement, as high school moved on I found myself taking more chances and being more driven to achieve what I set out to accomplish. I am extremely grateful to those around me for guiding me to where I am today. Looking back, my motivation to achieve the goals that I set for myself allowed me to interact with the community and do things I thought I could never do, and I am confident this will never change.

Any type of feedback would be great!!

hanhhong2003 1 / 2  
Nov 7, 2020   #2
mistake:' high' become 'the high'
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,735 3072  
Nov 7, 2020   #3
You need to develop a multi faceted representation of who you are in this response statement. That means, you have to provide a different opinion of who you are based on the point of view of each person mentioned in the prompt. It would be fantastic if you could give a different opinion of yourself as a person as seen by your parents, friends, and community members then, only after the different descriptions of who you are, you can combine the points of view to reflect an accomplishment you are most proud of. Managing to do that will allow the reviewer to get to know you better and also, offer a unique "proud" moment for yourself that will be different from what one might expect. You need to focus on the target, who you are. This is not a motivational statement. This is a character reference statement. Which is why how other see you is equally as important as the proud moment you will be presenting. Base the proud moment on the collective point of view instead.
temiajare 2 / 8  
Nov 15, 2020   #4
Generally well written essay but I would advise a look at your sentence beginnings. Variety is the hallmark of a good writer and this is especially true in regards to sentence starts. Creatively arranging sentence beginnings breaks up the monotony and choppy style associated with a simple noun phrase followed by a verb.

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