One reason why I would like to transfer to NYU is I am moving to New York and I would like to find a school that is prestigious and will enhance me and help me excel in life.
Very vague and nonspecific. Let's try to come up with a better intro sentence! This one is boring, and it is not very impressive.
As I keep reading, it remains vague and abstract: One objective that I have is to allow NYU to transform me into a strong, assiduous, dedicated, and brilliant person.
I hope you will rewrite this in a way that shows how you are conducting research about a particular field you intend to enter. I think you should read a professional journal article by using Google Scholar, and this will enable you to write real ideas about your chosen field. Tell them your intentions. Learn about recent research topics in your chosen field, and see what related research is being done at this school! :-)