Is this too vague? Should I write more informally or formally? Any help is appreciated!
Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.
To my future roommate:
My full name is_________ ___________ _________and I attended and graduated from Monta Vista High School in ________. I am majoring in biotechnology hope to have an amazing year here at Stanford. Since we're going to be together for the next four years, I would like you to know more about me.
I love the outdoors. I have played cricket, a sport relatively unknown in the US for six years and have won many awards. It clears my mind and is an outlet for my energy.
Mosy of my interests involve creativity. I have been playing the trumpet for around six years. When I hear a song I like, I attempt to imitate it through my trumpet, even adding my own spin to the tune. I love to tinker with things ranging from Nerf guns to wooden go-karts. Projects like these stimulate both my mind and my innovativeness.
I am a true geek when it comes to movies and videogames. I absolutely love the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and I find myself at home talking about Star Wars universe with my friends. Though I love the cutting-edge technology shown in the Playstation 3, the vintage Gameboy Color still has a place in my heart. Movies and videogames serve as outlets to my imagination; a place where I can sculpt my own fantasy.
My faith as a Christian is what defines me. It has really affected me in my life and it will still be a part of me in college and for the years to come. However, I also believe that everyone is entitled to their own viewpoints. With that said, I won't force you to read every single chapter of the Bible, but if you are willing, it would be awesome if you could come to church with me some day.
I don't know about you, but I am quite apprehensive of this upcoming quarter. I am sure that it's not going to be an easy journey from here on. But somehow, we'll get through it. I can guarantee you that.
Hope to see you this fall!
_______ _________
I think you should be a bit more informal with this! Have fun writing it! In the paragraph with your movies and video games, I really heard some voice in your writing, but in other places like
"I love the outdoors. I have played cricket, a sport relatively unknown in the US for six years and have won many awards"
Be more fun like "You'll see how much I love the outdoors when you see all my cricket awards hanging on my side of the room" or something like that!
Overall, you just need more voice :)
Honestly, it's a little to cliche and mundane. But you have the content to really spice it up. Be a little more loose and try to show your personality in the voice of the essay. I suggest you act like you've already been accepted and explain what you would be like in your room. For example, "Don't be surprised if I...it's what I live for" or "If you see nerf guns all over the place, its because I'm working on a project." Wish you well!
Try to vary the way you start your sentences instead of repeatedly using "I". Other than that, just try to connect your interests a little better! Good Luck!
Get ready to defend your faith buddy. At a school like Stanford, odds are you won't be paired with somebody who agrees with you. If I were you I'd start reading up on Christian Apologia.
That said, it's fairly good and serves its purpose. Like the gymnast said, try to vary your sentence structure a bit.
