Thanks for any suggestions about my main essay in common app for the prompt: Topic of your choice
Whistler
I am a master of whistling. I make strange and loud trill that eclipses the songs of birds in the trees in front of my house. I whistle in the bedroom as I wake up; I whistle on my way to work, a concerto of sorts against the cacophony of morning market; I whistle while showering in the bathroom; I whistle after sunset as I indulge in reflection. Whistling is my religion, the tunes canticles of my life.
I whistle in the street as I walk.
I like the people in my town. Whistling keeps me smiling so that I am ready to say "Ni Hao"(hello) to any folk coming my way. Simple gestures-shaking hands, laughing, looking into their eyes-comfort my soul. Few other moments in life feel more satisfying than chatting with congenial fellows in street under snug sunlight. Whistling is especially enjoyable when I am picking out fresh fruits or vegetables of street vendors who are usually local farmers. Their homely remarks and funny jokes have a certain rustic charm that never fails to brighten up my day.
I whistle in my restaurant while entertaining customers.
It's hard to start one's own business on a shoestring. I need to concern myself with every aspect of the business- the budget, location, staffing and logistics. My goal is to provide the most delicious Chinese fast food to people in Longhui with minimum waiting time. I value the speed just as much as quality. Little wonder then, that when I designed the logo for the store, E=MC˛ sprung to my mind: E is the energy of the food ,M is its mass and C is our speed of delivery. Running a restaurant in a small county town is no romantic affair, but whistling keeps me on my toes, always dreaming for the next big thing. Anyway, thanks to my efficient and hardworking staff, my business is thriving now. Although this is only a small business, the real entrepreneurial experience has taught me an imortant lesson: always plan carefully, in advance, bearing in mind the team and the people on the receiving end. I think this idea is universal: restaurant, college, or any future endeavors. And I probably can only philosophize about such life's secrets while dissolving into whistling one grass-scented rainy night...
I whistled in the hospital to a baby.
My heart leaps when I gently rock the baby and whistle him a lullaby. I was volunteering at a local charity hospital when the wife of my chef gave birth. What a masterpiece, I thought, smelling his sweet scent and looking into his innocent eyes. I couldn't help whistling...Oh, oh, he began smiling-my lullaby must be heavenly! And I so wish he will whistle optimism, as I did, as he gets over the ebbs and flows of life...
I whistle when I fish in the brook.
Fishing is thinking. The meandering creek by my house provides a perfect spot for me to relax and to contemplate: Am I not awed by the starry heavens above me? Can our hearts be as broad as the universe? Is Confucian philosophy an extrapolation of sky's limit? Life is an irreversibility, like the brook. Just as each droplet carries the river to the ocean, each moment well used is a step closer to success.
Carpe diem. O that's probably the best tune ever whistled.
I really do not know what you are trying to say, or what point you are trying to make, in this essay.
You dedicate an essay to whistling. You then go on to discuss the Chinese business, and then go back to whistling..
I would not quite say that this is a piece of writing that I find very effective. It does not say much about you, nor does it contain vivid imagery or writing flare (the latter being less evident due to a number of grammatical errors, amongst other things)
You talk about whistling, but there is no real interesting discussion on whistling.
Perhaps others may think differently about this essay, however I think that this essay needs some considerable work if you are really insistent on working with this 'whistling' angle.
I agree with Liebe. To me, you are only using whistling as a device through which you can explain all of the things that you think will look good to colleges, as harsh as that may sound.
I like your writing style, and I think this is a nice essay, but I feel like it would benefit you to either focus entirely on your whistling and how it makes you who you are, or choose one of the blurbs you have and expand on that.
Think about what are you passionate about, and try to keep your essay focused instead of all-compassing.
"I agree with Liebe. To me, you are only using whistling as a device through which you can explain all of the things that you think will look good to colleges, as harsh as that may sound.
I like your writing style, and I think this is a nice essay, but I feel like it would benefit you to either focus entirely on your whistling and how it makes you who you are, or choose one of the blurbs you have and expand on that.
Think about what are you passionate about, and try to keep your essay focused instead of all-compassing."
What you said do make some point. I will see what I can do. thanks a lot!
all-compassin g
It is supposed to be written like this:
all-encompassing.
:-)
