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The whole world is connected through the ocean; FSU-leadership,learning,service,global ...


Keianna18 1 / -  
Nov 14, 2013   #1
Florida State University is more than just a world-class academic institution preparing you for a future career. We are a caring community of well-rounded individuals who embrace leadership, learning, service, and global awareness. With this in mind, which of these characteristics appeal most to you, and why?

The whole world is connected through the ocean. We aren't separate entities floating above the mantle divided by a large expanse, the ocean is actually our highway. Men for centuries have used it as the road for exploration. Global awareness not only involves travel but is a means for self exploration, through the experiences of places oceans away. Just as the ocean dominates our planet through an expanse of oneness, we will all become connected through our knowledge and openness to one another sparking a powerful drive for transformation of the human race.

At one time I would akin my knowledge of global communities to a diver first plunging into the deep. My misconceptions were my protective gear, but reality made me realize the bitter cold of the morning waves. As I swam deeper, sustained by my air tank, my curiosity, I saw marine species I encountered before and was comforted with familiar images. But deeper still lay the unfamiliar which made me uncomfortable. I was submerged and the only way out would be to return to my ignorance. I was forced to accept and take in a world unlike my own, but very much real. I think this is what global awareness ultimately achieves. We are to accept and acknowledge that there are many distinct ways to be human and they're all valid.

I engaged with a friend on rape culture around the world, particularly India. We shared stories we had heard about young women being violated. We then moved on to people being persecuted for their religious rights. We ascertained that the petty religious arguments we participate in and the annoyance we experience from immature males was nothing. We lived a sheltered life compared to many women around the world. I realized that there is a bigger world outside of my experiences and comforts. I have never had to fear my life because of being a woman or being a christian. Global awareness helped me to realize that others face bigger atrocities and may desires lie there.

Florida state university welcomes waves of people from across the ocean every year. Through its various programs such as global pathways and international programs students immerse themselves and become one with the unknown, like a diver plunging the depths. Global awareness is important to me as an international student and also a global citizen in that I would feel welcomed and accommodated on campus while being afforded the opportunity to transform not only myself but others through conflict resolution, respect and openness to new cultures, all which take place during cultural exchanges.

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeing new lands , but in seeing with new eyes." Marcel Proust words mean to me that discovery of new lands and ideals make us aware of other opinions and other parts of truth and reason. Through others we can discover our shortcomings, discover our uniqueness, discover future problems, discover deeper meanings of life's mysterious ways, discover we are one.
iamnicholas1 10 / 17 1  
Nov 14, 2013   #2
Wow...I mean, WOW. Seriously, the theme of the ocean and the tide is amazing. I applaud your use of metaphors. The ONLY piece of advice I have for you is to switch the paragraph about your trip with your friend with the one before - it helps it flow better. Great job, and good luck with college! Trust me, it's difficult, but you seem up for the task :)

- Nick
Anumeha 7 / 13 2  
Nov 14, 2013   #3
I think this is very well written- nice! I agree with the person above, the ocean was a great way to show your passion :)

Grammatically I think you should rewrite these sentences :

Through others we can discover our shortcomings, discover our uniqueness, discover future problems, discover deeper meanings of life's mysterious ways, discover we are one.

Global awareness is important to me as an international student and also a global citizen in that I would feel welcomed and accommodated on campus while being afforded the opportunity to transform not only myself but others through conflict resolution, respect and openness to new cultures, all which take place during cultural exchanges.

I understand what you are trying to say, but they go on too long. Splitting them up or rewording parts of the sentences will definitely help with the overall flow. Good luck!


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