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'The whole world is one big stage' - Admission Essay- Vires, Artes, Mores


austnpd 1 / -  
Oct 13, 2009   #1
I open my eyes and I am completely surrounded in darkness. My heart is beating against my chest at such a rate of speed that I feel it could burst open at any second. Everything around me is quiet, with the exception of a few whispers in a sea of faces with all eyes upon me. There is a flash of blinding light and I feel myself drift into another world, a different dimension. The fear that had previously swallowed my body channels into a sudden rush of adrenaline. I allow myself to be taken into the scene and I wake up about two hours later. The audience is on their feet cheering as I take my final bow.

Some would call this stage fright. For someone that has been in so many plays and shows, it's unusual to have such a fear. While many would consider stage fright a weakness, I consider it a strength. Without this fear, I wouldn't be able to perform well at all. The adrenaline rush I feel when I get stage fright allows me to lose myself in the scene and do what comes naturally. I was able to take one of my fears and turn it into one of my biggest strengths.

Art has been in my family for generations. My grandma is an accomplished watercolor painter, my cousin is great with cartoons, and my grandpa was an excellent writer. It is my goal to carry out this tradition in the art of acting. When I was younger, I can remember performing plays with my action figures, and forcing all my cousins and relatives to watch. I have received a lot of support from my family, and it has encouraged me to become better as I strive toward my goals.

While I enjoy a variety of different activities ranging from all kinds of athletics to weekly Ping Pong night at my friend's house, acting is both my passion and favorite of all. I think it is a very useful skill to have. Acting hasn't just helped me on the stage, it's helped me become a better person. It has broadened my personality to become accustomed to how other people feel in certain situations. For example, I've played a man who stuttered a lot and was ridiculed and ultimately killed for his condition. Even though I only played this part, I feel I can understand what it was like to be that man.

The whole world is one big stage. Everyone plays a part in the outcome of the future. Some of us have lead roles, such as the leaders of different countries, and some of us play small but significant roles, such as people who have come from nothing and made a difference. I hope my strengths, skills, and will to carry out my family tradition will be enough to leave my mark on this planet in a positive and successful way.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 14, 2009   #2
Use a comma to separate the 2 halves of a compound sentence:

I open my eyes, and I am completely surrounded in darkness.

There is a flash of blinding light, and I feel myself drift into another world, a different dimension.

I'll trim out some unnecessary words:

My heart is beating against my chest at such a rate of speed that I feel it could burst open at any second.

I like how you are writing in the present verb tense! That is always powerful.

Hey, at the end, you quote Shakespeare: "The world is but a stage..." so it is important to show your intelligence by citing him:

The whole world is one big stage, as Shakespeare wrote, and we are so many actors. Everyone plays...

See thivanka.blogspot.com/2005/12/world-is-but-stage.html

IMPORTANT: I think you need to rewrite the intro and conclusion in a way that shows that you understand Vires, Artes, and Mores, understand their question, and are answering it directly. Mention those Latin words in your intro and conclusion. Let's see another draft! :)


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