Hi! Here's my essay for Washington University at St.Louis. (please note: this is for my first-choice school and it's a reach for me because it's a very competitive school. I'm still trying though, cause I love this school.. and I don't think this essay does it any justice.)
Please comment on anything you find I should work on - sentence structure, writing style, grammar, content. Do I answer the prompt?
I really want to improve. I appreciate honest and constructive criticism.
This is the only school that I'm applying to that uses common app, so is it okay that I personalized this essay for Wash U?
Thank you, and I'll be glad to return the favor!Personal Statement: Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.
"Congratulations! You have received a Public Service Department Scholarship to study International Business at the Nottingham University, Malaysian campus."
At that moment, I knew. After all those months I spent soul-searching; this was a moment of clarity when I knew when I wanted to pursue. And it was not international business studies.
My plan to transfer to a United States institution began when I decided on psychology, and my decision came from a discovery of an inclination I believe I have always had. An innate introverted nature has always centered my interest upon my own mental life; rich with its own thoughts, beliefs and ideas. Growing up, this focus deepened as I was battling a low self-esteem. It affected my every action, spoke as a deafening voice in my head, and glared back whenever I looked into the mirror. However, my reflective and persistent character led me to find meaning in the challenges I faced. The most profound journey through my own inner realm eventually ensued. I began to appreciate the human spirit, and view the world through a lens of compassion and empathy. This experience revealed to me my passion for the human psyche. I discovered psychology.
Ever since William James, who famously said "the first lecture on psychology I ever heard being the first I ever gave", the teaching of psychology has become an integral part of universities in the United States. There, at the other end of the world from me, psychology is made up of inspired individuals, who strive for psychological inquiry and collaborative research, and see its potential and applications within and beyond the field. More than anything, I dreamed to a part of it.
At Washington University, I see myself achieving this dream. From establishing personal contacts with psychologists, professors and peers, to forming group affiliations with the Psi Chi and community service groups on campus - I have a chance to integrate and network with highly motivated individuals. In the positive psychology movement, there are prospects for me to further deepen my comprehension and captivation with the concepts of flow, personal strength and human virtues - by taking related courses or even getting involved in undergraduate research under the supervision of Professor Randall Larsen, a pioneer in the science of happiness. Whether I muse over the workings of a placebo effect or join in on the age old question of the power of the mind over matter - the Philosophy-Neuroscience-Psychology (PNP) program gives me an exciting multidisciplinary approach to study the mind. During my senior year, I aim to partake in the rigorous Honors program, which will aid in my preparation for graduate school. Also, I am eager to peruse the university's extensive course catalog to uncover even more interests and to be exposed to a well-rounded education as well a broad based grasp in psychology. I feel that achieving expertise in the field will not just provide me the necessary skills and knowledge, but also a platform to share the gift of psychology with others in my own way. Ultimately, as I continue to grow and solidify my identity, I hope to find my niche within psychology to eventually specialize in and contribute to.
These wide array of opportunities presented at Washington University are almost inconceivable in my country. I have experienced its limitations when I was offered a path in business instead of psychology, because there was no scholarly area distinguished for its professional study. In the end, the words that informed me of an alternate path to the one I wanted were the same words that forced me to look beyond geographical boundaries to passionately pursue psychology.