Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to 300 words.
I can't spot a cloud in the sky, but it still isn't clear. The skies are always hazy, a constant grey. My eyes cross the horizon, but I cannot make out anything in the distance; the massive skyscrapers dot blot out my vision. I know I'm home.
No matter where I go, this vision stays with me. Living in America is a completely different experience; not just the buildings, but the entire lifestyle. As a first-generation immigrant, I was old enough to remember South Korea...
after edits:
For almost my entire life, my vision of home was the city life in South Korea. In Seoul, the skies are always hazy, a constant grey. My eyes cross the horizon, but I cannot make out anything in the distance; the massive skyscrapers blot out my vision. People are running quickly to catch up to missed buses, and the lines of traffic crowd every street.
Throughout my short life, I have lived in all corners of the United States. From beautiful San Diego to the dreary cities of Portland and Salem in Oregon, I have journeyed through it all, but no matter where I go, this vision has stayed with me. As a first-generation immigrant, I was old enough to remember South Korea before I left it, and still regularly visit it. The vision that I hold has a monumental significance to me. I cannot forget my roots, and even though I would now consider myself an American, I know that without my heritage, I am nothing.
Living in America is a completely different experience; not just the buildings, but the entire lifestyle. As I grow accustomed to life in America, my vision is gradually changing. The endless skyscrapers become single home houses. The never-ending pavement becomes the front lawns of these homes. The throngs of people walking to and fro become friendly neighbors waving hello. But I realize that even though my vision of the world changes, my values must remain the same. The vision I have represents my past, my roots: where I'm from. The glimpse outside the window now shows that I am an American.
I often hope that I can someday positively impact the world that gave birth to me. At this point in my life, I would call myself an American; and to be an American is to take advantage of the endless opportunities set in front of me. I can only wonder what lies ahead of me now, and I hope that no matter where life takes me, I do not lose myself, and remember who I am.
I know that I must come back to the world that gave birth to me, and hopefully still remember my roots, my family, and my past.
thank you, anyone else?
In this sentence you do not need a comma here:
...I know that without my heritage I am nothing.
Let's be more specific here:
I know the South Korea is home.
but can you be even more specific? Perhaps you should say the name of the city.
If you do that, it'll be clearer, because when you say, "Living in America is a completely different experience" it makes me think you were just describing America.
I know that I must give back to the world that gave birth to me, and hopefully...--- you said "that gave birth to me" two sentences in a row in an awkward way.
Okay, can you look at this again and come up with 2 or 3 more meaningful concepts represented by the environment? What is this environment, exactly... a particular part of the city? Be more specific.
This is great, though! I think it can just get better and better...
Okay I'm just going to be really honest and say the first thoughts that came to my mind. My opinions may not be the consensus, and I could be wrong too. I hope I don't sound offensive, I'm just trying to be honestly critical, which is what I hope others would do for me.
When I read the first paragraph I had no idea what you were talking about. It describes scenery, but not an environment. When you say that you're home, I don't know where you're referring to.
"I can't spot a cloud in the sky, but it still isn't clear. The skies are always hazy, a constant grey. My eyes cross the horizon, but I cannot make out anything in the distance; the massive skyscrapers dot blot out my vision. I know I'm home."
I can't tell if this vision is of Korea or America, and the pavements turning into lawns part, I still don't get which is which. I think when they said environment in the prompt, it was more of what things in the environment influenced your person kinda question. (ie. ghetto, rich, upper class, lower class, really asian, or whatever etc etc)
I really liked this part:
"The vision that I hold has a monumental significance to me. I cannot forget my roots, and even though I would now consider myself an American, I know that without my heritage, I am nothing."
But you don't explain why this vision holds such a huge impact.
Why does the vision change from skyscrapers to houses? What does skyscraper symbolize? I couldn't really tell.
Love this part as well: "But I realize that even though my vision of the world changes, my values must remain the same. The vision I have represents my past, my roots: where I'm from. The glimpse outside the window now shows that I am an American."
But what is your vision? What is your past/ your roots? So like...what are your principles & values exactly?
And I think it would be a nice touch to clarify what an 'American' is, since you conclude that you are now one.
Overall, I think your ideas about the fusion/immigrant identity are great!! It just needs clarification and explanation I think.
And I do like the visuals that the beginning metaphors have, its just that I'm confused as to what its alluding to.
I hope this helped, and as I said before, I'm just trying to give constructive criticism.
Thank you Caroline, it was very very helpful advice!
without my heritage, I am nothing.
Without your heritage, you would still be something.
:-)
The glimpse outside the window now shows that I am an American.---- very good writing... I can tell you read a lot, because only people who read a lot can write like this.
I would use "A" instead:
A glimpse outside the window now shows that I am an American.
