His, this essay needs some trimming(about 59 words). Also, this is essentially the same point(the first paragraph is identical) to my Harvard/Princeton essay, so if you think this one is better, please tell me and I'll use it for that too.
Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to 300 words.
It was the highest honor, bar none. On December 10th, 2010, in Oslo, Norway, the weather was particularly peaceful, the sky a pristine shade of blue that denizens of industrialized countries take for granted and those from nations in the throes of development remember only in distant memory. So naturally, few in the Oslo City Hall truly cared for the weather. No, the audience chamber was packed with diplomats and well-wishers from over 40 countries, intent on observing the award ceremony. Packed, that is, except for a single lone chair at near the center of the podium, forlorn. Empty. The winner's seat.
As a Chinese citizen who lives in America but whose entire family (including my mother) still resides in China, I have long turned blind eye, deaf ear, averted nose and silent lips to the horrors of the CCP's regime, occasionally even defending it to my classmates and teachers with excuses like "the improved economy" or "democracy does not equal net happiness". Still, everything has limits, even bystander apathy. So when I heard of the Nobel Peace Prize being awarded to the imprisoned Liu Xiaobo, and the CCP preventing him or any of his family members from receiving it, something in me lit up like a "Duh" incandescent lightbulb.
This wasn't the only thing that made realize the evils of the CCP, of course. It was only the straw that broke the camel's complacency. In my most recent visit to China, there were many subtle (and not-so-subtle) cues that alerted me to China's treatment of the less fortunate. Despite Beijing's hypocritical overtures during the Olympics, now things have retained status quo, even regressed, and handicapped citizens have almost no rights. In fact, many people, not at all different from my mother except for being poorer, will be denied treatment. This must change.
Liu Xiaobo's struggle has become my struggle now. I will use everything at my disposal, including all the skills I'll gain in college, to further his cause. Peacefully, with the strength of my writing and the depth of my analytical inquiry, I will do my utmost to turn China into a democracy, with rights for minorities.
I was so proud to hear that the Nobel Prize was awarded to Mr. Xiaobo and was simultaneously astounded by CCP's reluctancy for him to accept it. This essay shows you are intelligent and well rounded. However, I would consider addressing the prompt in a more direct fashion. YOu could stick with the award ceremony, but be more descriptive, actually visualize the surroundings, the announcements, and perhaps the tension WHICH you could then turn over into how it relates to you. Good Luck!
