If you could edit this essay it would be greatly appreciated. Also do you believe it fulfills the prompt and shows who I am?
Prompt: Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to 300 words.
I watched as they stared, pointed, and made him feel different, and I watched how it made him exuberantly happy. Across his face a twisted smile spread as he punched the air above with his fist. They heaved him up on their shoulders and the surrounding mass cheered. With a gold metal around his neck, he was a winner; Not because he was the most supreme athlete, but because he had triumphed over adversity. He accomplished what some people thought he never could. The Special Olympics makes this a possibility for over 3.4 million athletes in 170 countries. Their strength, perseverance, and resilience epitomize personal characteristics I aspire to strengthen. Their struggles are those that I hold close to my heart, as I grew up with a sibling of similar disabilities. I share in their sorrows of outcast and rejoice in their successes. They are my brothers and sisters, and I believe in their potential, never second-guessing their future.
I think back on the time I spent with the Special Olympic athletes. Their huge hearts filled with love for every living being, and their assiduous attitude toward life. Then I realized how I have consequently transformed as a person; having increased determination, ambition, empathy, and altruism. As I go through life, I will never cower in the face of adversity or tribulation because it is not they way of an Olympic warrior.
Not because he was the most supreme athlete
- the "n" need not be capitalized
This is good, but I feel like it is very trite, and somewhat impersonal. Perhaps if you had a specific story to relay from the special olympics, or made it more relative to you the essay would be better.
The setting is kind of confusing here. It sounded like you were watching them on TV but turns out that you were working with them? Volunteering? I don't know. Also, the organization for this is a tad week. You seem to be jumping back and forth instead of one nice flow. Maybe start out with the scene, then why it is meaningful to you (part about your sister) and then what you learn from these people. This essay has lots of potential you just need to execute it right.
