common app essay,feed back would be lovely...
"Window Watching "
Gazing through what feels like a portal to another world, but not one amongst or stars, not in that sense, but a different world. One where I exist not as myself, not as the Jamaican teenager held down by gravity on to this slab of oceanic rock, but as something else: something different, something with wings. It is like an addictive crave; wanting to be able to see this world from a different angle: one where flying is not restrained to being strapped in to this metal bird, but is as easy as is a simple face gesture.
One where true freedom can finally be obtained, and the monotony of human life that has created oppression and makes us all slaves to the very reality we have chosen to abide in can be easily forgotten. It is obvious to say that not everything would change: competition and the need to survive are innate amongst all beings, and birds are no exception; but to have the luxury of that kind of life; where all necessities are provided by God himself. Where all that one needs is readily waiting for you; all you have to do is to go out and look for it: food, shelter, companions, freedom.
That leaves me to wonder what kind of bird I would want to be. There are so many choices: maybe something subtle like the busy hummingbird or the lovely sparrow; or something intimidating like the preeminent owl or flout vulture. Perhaps maybe something blatant like the mighty eagle or the majestic hawk or even the less sought falcon. Truly anyone would be fine, as long as it accomplishes the goal at hand; allowing me to experience the world that exists outside of this window.
Gazing through what feels like a portal to another world, but not one amongst or stars, not in that sense, but a different world. One where I exist not as myself, not as the Jamaican teenager held down by gravity on to this slab of oceanic rock, but as something else: something different, something with wings.I love this! You are such a good writer.
It is like an addictive craving ; wanting to be able to see...
... and makes us all slaves to the very reality we have chosen to abide in, and can be easily forgotten.
It was a pleasure to read this, you're such an expressive writer.
