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'Winning the competition' - COMMON APP


kriftsnitch 1 / -  
Nov 15, 2013   #1
I was nervously tapping the edge of our desk to a tune I didn't know. My partner wasn't of much help either as he was more edgy than me.This last question, a simple one was going to decide if we were going to win this competition. We were tied with a rival team which made it worse and boy, they did look confident ! The question was displayed on the board and in that moment, the moment I pressed the buzzer,the moment when my heart was beating so furiously gave me a strange sort of happiness.

I grew up reading books, to the point that I didn't even want to go out of the house, they were a means of escape from boredom and I became obsessed.

They were mostly general knowledge in my childhood, but soon I started venturing into novels as well.
I guess all that reading paid off when I won the quiz competition organized by our school in 8th grade, after that I developed an interest in it and started participating in many competitions. It wasn't easy, competing to be one of the 12 or 14 people who passed the preliminary round out of the many hundreds, but the passion to get onto the stage drove me.

The stage or the podium is one place on earth that would be my utopia. Nothing whatsoever, has given me the experience that the stage put me through. It is an angry beast, the stage. It gives you that feeling when you get when skydiving(not that I've been skydiving),amazing and nerve wracking at the same time ! It makes you to give out your best by pushing you to the very limit,at least in my opinion. My parents and sister always sit at the front left corner cheering me on. The audience gasping at every wrong answer I said and applauding when I was right was really worth it.

I have broken down many times on stage, not all of them sad,once it was while getting the 2nd place in the district finals of the Heritage India quiz which was really hard and sometimes it was when we didn't answer an obvious question which lead to our downfall. When I didn't get to the finals , I participated in some other event like music which I was good at. There was this inter school competition at St.Josephs college where I went and tried out at the music preliminaries. It turned out I wasn't bad and once again I was standing in front of a different crowd , facing them. This was different from the quiz competitions I was used to. I was standing alone ,with a mike in my hand, it was awkward and I felt like passing out. My heart thudded out a different beat, a fast and fragile beat and I knew I had to do this and I started belting the song out, Born To Die by Lana del Rey. I picked this song as it was slow and I was more unlikely to make a mistake. I saw the crowd and I faltered but I heard my voice echo back and I lost myself in the song . After finishing it , I viewed the crowd with a triumphant look. I didn't win that day, staying on the stage and finishing the song took all I had, I also till now don't know if the crowd applauded. It didn't matter after all

If one thing the stage taught me, it was to conquer your fear . Still after all this, the stage is kind of intimidating, but the secret to being confident on stage is to lose yourself . I just went on a stage whenever I could, I didn't care about what anyone said and I think I'm winning that competition. After all, I know the answer
btime 1 / 1  
Nov 15, 2013   #2
The plot was a little bit hard to follow but otherwise it was great.

If there is one thing the stage has taught me, it wasis to conquer your fears . Still after all this, the stage is kind ofa bit intimidating, but the secret to being confident on stage is to lose yourself . I just went on a stage whenever I could,; I didn't care about what anyone said and I think I'm winning that competition. After all, I know the answer.
Woodstock 7 / 17 3  
Nov 15, 2013   #3
There are many punctuation mistakes and some paragraphs need to be cleaned, especially 4th.

a simple one was going

a simple one, was going

and boy, they did

"and, boy, did they..." (I think)

beating so furiously gave me a strange

beating so furiously, gave me a strange

they were a means of escape from boredom and I became obsessed.

You should separate this from the last sentence, and change it a little bit.

They were mostly general knowledge in my childhood, but soon I started venturing into novels as well.

It sounds strange, I did get that when you were a child you read encyclopedias or books like that, and then you began with novels, but this can be improved.

I also till now don't know if the crowd applauded.

To this day, I don't know if the crowd applauded.

If one thing the stage taught me, it was to conquer your fear .

has taught

The stage or the podium is one place on earth that would be my utopia. Nothing whatsoever, has given me the experience that the stage put me through. It is an angry beast, the stage. It gives you that feeling when you get when skydiving(not that I've been skydiving),

The stage or the podium is one place on earth that would be my utopia. Nothing whatsoever, has given me the experience that the stage put me through. It is an angry beast, the stage. It gives you that feeling when you get when skydiving(not that I've been skydiving),

The stage or the pĆ³dium is the one place on earth that . Nothing else can make me experience...
when you get when you skydive (not that I've done it)
You have read a lot, I believe you can improve this inmensely.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Dec 11, 2013   #4
Good job by Woodstock :) Thanks!
Well, I wish you included the prompt as I am not too sure about what question you've written this response. Make sure you include the prompt with the essay so that others can provide you with more meaningful feedbacks.

They were mostly general knowledge in my childhood, but soon I started venturing into novels as well.

I began to read for enhancing my general knowledge, but soon I ventured into novels as well.

after that I developed an interest in it and started participating in many competitions.

after that I developed confidence and interest in it and looked forward to participating in many more competitions.


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