please help me with this essay for common app topic #, and tell me if i was specific enough about my experience/achievement and if i elaborated well enough the impact it had on me...
My life has been very interesting so far. It's been a life full of different experiences that have caused moments of joy as well as moments of sadness. Most importantly, all these different experiences have contributed in shaping my personality and helping me grow as a person.
Coming from a country like Kosovo adds much shape to the way one thinks, lives and acts. Kosovo, a post-war country with a new era of development ahead, struggled much in the past to resist the brutal occupation and avoid the practices of the Eastern Block, especially in the educational system. Unfortunate to say, terms like "critical" or "analytical skills" have only vague meanings, despite the great desire to overcome these shortcomings. Besides the loss of many people and total destruction of the economy and educational system, the war had a much more significant effect. It embedded pessimism among people and precluded them from working towards their goals, mainly due to the thought that Kosovo is not a place where one can fulfill his or her goals and achieve success.
In 2010, I wanted to do a research concerning environment, specifically finding an economical and alternative solution to prevent river pollution from heavy metal ions coming from out-of-functioning mines, and present it in an international Olympiad. Even though I faced many difficulties in the beginning, with the constant support of my family and teachers, I managed to do it. In 2011 I applied in INESPO (International Environment and Scientific Project Olympiad), held in the Netherlands, and got accepted to the final round along with other students coming from 38 different countries with about 110 projects. For most of the people who heard I was going to present my research in an International Olympiad and compete with students coming from some of the most developed countries in the world, acquiring an award in the Olympiad was an impossible task. Honestly, by some degree, I think I belonged in that group of people too. Simply thinking that a project from a small and undeveloped country like Kosovo can win an award in such a strong competition was unbearable. But, proving the contrary, my research (Cleaning of industrial acidic waste water with human hair) won the first place golden prize.
However, I didn't just win the first prize in an international Olympiad; I won much more. This achievement significantly changed the way I felt about myself and my country. It deeply boosted my confidence and made me zealous to work much harder. The motivation I gained helped me perform every task I was assigned in the best way possible. It made me set high goals and expectations for my future. I realized that hard-work, creativity, dedication and positive attitudes can lead to success and have the same significance just about anywhere. Most importantly, not only I but also my compatriots were able to witness that Kosovo can achieve big things and that the size and the condition of a country are not the main factors in achieving success. And this very important lesson gained from my experience should serve to all of us, citizens of Kosovo, for the future development of our country.
Hi buddy,its a good one but it need some work,like the introduction it is really nice,but you can start it with a stronger way like instead of saying"My life has been very interesting so far. It's been a life full of ...." you can start it like this (and its just an opinion)"Much has occurred in my life ,moments of joy as well as moments of sadness form different experiences which made it interesting"and then you can put say"and it is this contraction what shaped the person that I'm proud to be " or you can leave your own saying which is cool too,(and you change what I said so you would like it)
and then you started talking about the war in your country and everything it is good ,but it needs a little bit of drama it didn't touch me completely so you need to make it also a little bit stronger,
and then you started to talk about your research concerning the environment.and that's fine but what you need to do is to relate what you said before in the first paragraph with it ,like saying"all that action and war damaged our beautiful nature(environment) and that affected me so in 2010 ,I wanted to do a research concerning environment" or something like that.
and you should add bigger impacts on you I mean its a big experience that you had there so add something more influential,or something. but in general its a nice essay it needs a small work ^____^ ,
hope I was helpful enough ,and now maybe you can help me with my essays,please
need some more help plzzzz....
i just wanna understand whether i elaborated well enough the fact that hard-working people can achieve success even in a small and undeveloped country like Kosovo
The essay is good. You have elaborated on the fact that you have asked for. Tell me the word limit. Only then can I make detailed comments.
Please help me with mine.
Hi rroni,I think yes you did that very well actually at the end ,its like your conclusion
thnx very much for your reply, the essay has about 528 words...
