Unanswered [19] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 2

U of wisconsin madison personal statement (an educational environment)


David Khor 1 / -  
Nov 29, 2009   #1
The University values an educational environment that provides all members of the campus community with opportunities to grow and develop intellectually, personally, culturally and socially. In order to give us a more complete picture of you as an individual, please tell us about the particular life experiences, perspectives, talents, commitments and/or interests you will bring to our campus. In other words, how will your presence enrich our community?

Back when I was in High School, I would join a lot of club activities. There was choir, the basketball team, the track team, the dance group. Other than that, I had piano lessons, drum lessons and I taught myself guitar outside of school. It seems that I have this addiction to learn new things.

There was once, I joined the dance group. Everyone even my parents thought that it was odd that I chose to join the dance group because it was so different from what I usually choose which are anything relating to sports or music. I wanted to learn dancing because dancing was the new "hit" at that time. It was actually a big mistake. I joined the dance group thinking that I would learn dances like hip hop, break dancing and street dances. But, it turned out that it was modern dance which is something like new-age ballet.

I was going to quit the group but the president of the dance group told me to give it a try. So, I stayed. I didn't like the classes at first because they were too feminine. It was until my first performance that I started loving it. One week before the first performance, we had this intensive dance training and we camped in school just to prepare for the performance.

During the camp, I met many friends and we worked hard. There were times when we argued and also times when we shared our happiness. Plus, some of them dance both modern ballet and street dancing and they taught me some moves so I got what I wanted.

During the performance, I was very nervous at first but at last when it ended, I felt like I have completed something great. The feeling of completing something was different from the time I had my choir performance. I guess it's because we worked very hard for this especially for me since it was something new. The performance continued on as we became really popular. We even had a performance to raise money for the charity event for the Szechuan earthquake victims.

It was a wonderful and unforgettable experience, I learnt a lot. Apart from learning how to dance, I learnt how to work as a team, to be disciplined, to be creative and many more and I would like to share this experience with the community in Madison-Wisconsin.
meisj0n 8 / 272 2  
Nov 30, 2009   #2
Love how the prompt is like "....In other words, how will your presence enrich our community?"

would join joined
about your addiction, do you mention them in your main app? do you talk more about them? do you do well with all these activities? if yes to this last Q, then great job!

There was once, I joined the dance group. Everyone even my parents thought that it was odd that I chose to join the dance group because it was so different from what I usually choose which are anything relating to sports or music. I wanted to learn dancing because dancing was the new "hit" at that time. It was actually a big mistake. I joined the dance group thinking that I would learn dances like hip hop, break dancing and street dances. But, it turned out that it was modern dance which is something like new-age ballet.

this was what I was thinking

It was [not] until

so I got what I wanted.

sounds informal. [so we all benefited]

I have had completed

I guess it's because

another informal statement.

very hard for this especially for me since it was something new <needs edit>

please tell us about the particular life experiences, perspectives, talents, commitments and/or interests you will bring to our campus.
you talk about MANY MANY interests. maybe talk more about this dancing talent that you unexpectedly gained by trying "something" new. <note: less somethings in your essay so it sounds clearner.>

Good luck with your app!


Home / Undergraduate / U of wisconsin madison personal statement (an educational environment)