Love how the prompt is like "....In other words, how will your presence enrich our community?"
about your addiction, do you mention them in your main app? do you talk more about them? do you do well with all these activities? if yes to this last Q, then great job!
There was once, I joined the dance group. Everyone even my parents thought that it was odd that I chose to join the dance group because it was so different from what I usually choose which are anything relating to sports or music. I wanted to learn dancing because dancing was the new "hit" at that time. It was actually a big mistake. I joined the dance group thinking that I would learn dances like hip hop, break dancing and street dances. But, it turned out that it was modern dance which is something like new-age ballet.
this was what I was thinking
It was [not] until
so I got what I wanted.
sounds informal. [so we all benefited]
I guess it's because
another informal statement.
very hard for this especially for me since it was something new <needs edit>please tell us about the particular life experiences, perspectives, talents, commitments and/or interests you will bring to our campus.
you talk about MANY MANY interests. maybe talk more about this dancing talent that you unexpectedly gained by trying "something" new. <note: less somethings in your essay so it sounds clearner.>
Good luck with your app!