Describe a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution, or experience that is important to you. What about this quality of accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
It needs alot of editing! Help! comments and suggestions are very welcome. Thanks :)
I was sitting at terminal 36B in the Long beach airport. My mother was next to me, talking. I heard the anxiety in her voice as she tried to remind me of my flight details. She understood that I was not nervous for my flight alone to Washington D.C. Actually, I was quite excited to be on my own and to make decisions by myself. I knew I was prepared to face a totally new world and experiences on my own.
I hugged my mother goodbye, and walked onto the plane. I sat down and opened the "Flight Information Folder" my mother made. I pulled out the letter of recommendation Mr. Gillogly wrote on my behalf. I was so proud of myself for being recognized as a, "High achieving student" and "open-minded, bright, and determined". I smiled to myself, I looked out the window to see sunrise peak over the homes. I thought, "Here I go; NYLF here I come".
I arrived at Ronald Reagan, picked up my luggage and to my ease saw a group of teenagers circled around a sign saying, "National Youth Leadership Program". Within the hour we were at a hotel outside D.C. I was checked in and given a NSAM group called, "Franklin" and I was to meet in room 114 after dinner. I was nervous to meet my group because I was never the social girl. I didn't have the confidence to meet new people and crawl out of my shell. I sucked up my nerves and walked into the room and saw other members sitting and quietly conversing. I was relieved the group did't talk much, we introduced each other and announced where we were from and returned to our rooms to sleep.
The next day was completely different. I was surrounded by lively, chattering, intelligent teenagers. I wanted to talk, to be a part of the group, to make these people my friends. The next thing I remembered hearing was, "I am Barbara Gavin, I'm from South Carolina". I smiled with relief, and introduced myself. After the day had gone by, I conversed with everyone about anything. I was no longer afraid of being the social outcast, or the quiet girl in the corner.
Through the long days, the stressful activities, the laughs, and fights my NSAM group bonded within the short week. I am proud of myself for traveling across the country by myself, being open to the new experience and intelligence NYLF had to offer, and most importantly for coming home with a group of unforgettable memories and friends.
If I were you...
I would reflect less about the experience and more about how it relates to the person you are.
I would cut out half of the not needed details of "I hugged my mother goodbye, and walked onto the plane. I sat down and opened the "Flight Information Folder" my mother made."
I wuld change "I pulled out the letter of recommendation Mr. Gillogly wrote on my behalf. " to explaining why you go this and why you were going.
If it were a program about being a leader I would state that.
You wrote this beautifully. The topic is rather common, but you told the story very well.
For example, coming out of your shell is a common topic. But the storytelling skill you demonstrated is great. I think you can do even better if you strategically incorporate some mention of your future. The "person you are" as the result of your experience is someone applying to this college because that is a step in your action plan for the future. Write a little more about the "person you are" and how this empowering experience you are describing gives you insight and helps you set goals for the next 2 years or 4 years.
