Duke's application essays
if you are applying to the Trinity College of Arts and Sciences as a first year applicant, please discuss why you consider Duke a good match for you. Is there something particular about Duke that attracts you? (Please limit your response to no more than 150 words.) 163 words
I wish to become an entrepreneur. I've the needed initiative, and already founded my first company a year ago - an importing business which I closed due to change in regulation. However, I'm applying to Duke because I feel I miss the academic education that will broaden my horizons and teach me how to carry out enterprises better. I believe Duke's Certificate in Innovation and Entrepreneurship will take my business understanding to the next level and help me develop as a professional.
In addition, I'm attracted to Yale's interdisciplinary academic approach. I've been working on algorithmic solutions for reconnaissance satellites during my army duty and I'm passionate about taking Computer Science classes in addition to majoring in Economics. This combination of courses will give me the strong academic base I'm looking for and I would love to pursue it in Trinity College of Arts and Sciences. Furthermore, I think that I can contribute to its cultural diversity and be an integral part of it.
Duke University seeks a talented, engaged student body that embodies the wide range of human experience; we believe that the diversity of our students makes our community stronger. If you'd like to share a perspective you bring or experiences you've had to help us understand you better-perhaps related to a community you belong to, your sexual orientation or gender identity, or your family or cultural background-we encourage you to do so. Real people are reading your application, and we want to do our best to understand and appreciate the real people applying to Duke. (250 word limit) 286 words
I traveled in Southeast Asia for four months on my own, left my old life as an army intelligence officer and took a leap into the unknown. From the scenic Ha Long Bay in Vietnam, to the wonders of Angkor Wat, till the islands of Thailand, it's been a wild ride, and I've learned a lot from it.
This year has been all about learning and immersing myself in different cultures. I perceive it as so valuable because I came to understand that communication doesn't necessarily require language. One of the experiences I remembered most vividly started from a conversation with a lovely local Vietnamese woman named Chi, who spoke almost no English at all. Chi has a local food stool which she operates 14 hours a day, she spends another six hours helping in her daughter's restaurant and she's working like this seven days a week. The conversation with Chi was touching and I ended up spending the next two days with her and her family - living with them as one of the locals.
This particular experience was one of many, which changed my perception of the world and made me grow as a person. It taught me about living life happily and understanding that I don't need fancy gadgets to be happy as much as I need strong connections with people I care about.
While travelling, I perfected my English, learned Spanish and Polish, and also to speak a bit of many other languages. I wish to continue to expose myself to different cultures in Duke. Furthermore, I wish to share my experiences with my peers, exposing them to the cultures I've seen during my travels and to open their eyes to different perspectives.
Shachar, you should start a new thread for the Duke essay. The forum rules clearly state one essay per thread. Don't risk getting your account suspended because you broke the rules. Start a new thread before the admin takes action. Now, about your previous essay;
help me develop as a professional.
- Professional what? We need to know what your plans for the future are. This point will be the best time to indicate that.If you are interested in starting your own business, then mention it here to establish the reason for your studies then continue it in the next paragraph. This is known as a transition sentence.Aside from the comment I made above, I am of the opinion that your essay is informative and ready for submission.
Really nice essays. Couple of pointers.
I've the needed initiative, and already founded my first company a year ago -: an importing business which I closed due to change in regulation.
The dash is a handy device, informal and essentially playful, telling you that you're about to take off on a different tack but still in some way connected with the present course.
I believe a colon would be more effective.
However , I'm applying to Duke because I feel I miss the academic education that will broaden my horizons and augment my skills regarding entrepreneurial practices.
The word 'miss' slightly confuses me. When placed there, it sounds like you are a transfer student who has had some college experience. Plus, the phrase "I feel I miss," is slightly wordy when you can get straight to the point without the part "I feel." Using however also throws off the flow of the essay. The sentence doesn't reveal anything contradictory to a previous statement. The phrase "academic education" sorta mean the same thing; the word academic is unnecessary.
Personally, I would write: I'm applying to Duke because I aspire to experience an education that will broaden my horizons and teach me how to carry out enterprises better.
I believe Duke's Certificate in Innovation and Entrepreneurship will take my business understanding to the next level and help me develop as a professional .
Some sort of parallel structure would be nice in the highlighted portion.
Would should replace "will." Would is a conditional tense: used to talk about a possible situation that has not happened or that you are imagining
I believe Duke's Certificate in Innovation and Entrepreneurship would not only elevate my business understanding, but would also develop my professional mindset.
In addition, I'm attracted to Yale's interdisciplinary academic approach. Is this about Yale or Duke?
I'm passionate about taking Computer Science classes in addition majoring in Economicswhile pursuing an Economics Major.
FurthermoreUltimately , I think that I can contribute to its cultural diversity and be an integral part of it.
Since you are ending the essay, it isn't wise to use the transition word furthermore. The word ultimately is a suggestion, you could think of a better synonym.
I will look at the other one latter. Please, take a look at mine and share your thoughts. It's in the undergraduate subsection and titled "My stay at a boarding school in Eastern Nigeria (a symbol of my coming of age)."
