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'Wishing to major in American Sign Language translation' - About Me essay


AnnaKirsten 1 / 1  
Jul 7, 2013   #1
Any help, comments, and or criticism is welcome. I'm not sure how to end the essay, so if i could get a bit of help on that too, it is appreciated.

Born on March 8th, 1996, a woman who wishes to major in American Sign Language translation is writing her application essay to the University of North Carolina in Greensboro, and that woman is me. I have lived in a few homes throughout my current past, a year in Woodbridge, Virginia; fourteen years in a small town named Johnstown, Pennsylvania; and the past three years living in Greensboro, North Carolina, right across the street from the high school I currently attend.

My family, consisting of my mother, older brother named Max, and my younger sister Emma, moved to North Carolina after the passing of my father. He made his exit on life from amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, also known as ALS and Lou Gehrig's Disease. ALS affects the spinal cord and the nerve cells within the brain; the progressive deterioration of the motor cells and slowly brings a death to the affected one. Now with a new start in North Carolina, I have found friends and activities that I enjoy. As Vice-President of the Writing Club at North West Guilford High School, I have renewed my love for writing, reading, and assessing others and my own work. I am also a part of the Gay Straight Alliance, who tries to reach out to inform the public about how we are not as different as we seem to be.

A short term goal of mine is to finish college with a degree in ASL translation and interpreting. My long term goal is to use my degree to acquire a job at the Federal Bureau of Investigation as an interpreter for the employees there and to indemnify in investigations involving a Deaf or hard of hearing person. To achieve either of these goals, it'd be an honor to get my degree from your university, seeing that it is one of the top colleges for American Sign Language.
jkjeremy - / 380 72  
Jul 7, 2013   #2
1. What's the essay question you're attempting to answer? (I mean the exact words from the instructions you were given.)

2. Who's your audience? (Who is this for?)

You've mentioned...

---"a woman" (who is later revealed to be you)
---the places you've lived
---your family (both generally and specifically)
---The symptoms and consequences of ALS

Only below (which is too near the end of the essay) do I start to learn anything about you:

Now with a new start in North Carolina, I have found friends and activities that I enjoy.

An "about me" essay needs to tell me about how you're different from everyone else.
OP AnnaKirsten 1 / 1  
Jul 7, 2013   #3
The exact essay is describe yourself and life in 250- 500 words. And the audience is the admissions office of the college I am applying to. Should i cut out the excessive parts about my family?


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