Can I get some feedback about my essay? This is an optional essay.
Prompt:There may be personal information that you want considered as part of your admissions application. Write an essay describing that information. You might include exceptional hardships, challenges, or opportunities that have shaped or impacted your abilities or academic credentials, personal responsibilities, exceptional achievements or talents, educational goals, or ways in which you might contribute to an institution committed to creating a diverse learning environment.
Essay:
November 2nd of 2008 was the day I would receive the call that would prove to change every aspect of my life. "We want you here next week" the intake counselor said. After half of a lifetime's worth of suffering from anorexia and bulimia, I would be travelling halfway across the country to seek inpatient treatment. The week following the phone call, but preceding my departure involved a myriad of doctor appointments in between flight scheduling, a meeting to inform my boss of my temporary absence, and a trip to the community college I had been attending.
"You're withdrawing from four classes?" the admissions counselor asked with an emphatic tone on the word 'four'. Embarrassed, ashamed, and feeling like a complete failure I mumbled "yes" as I stood at the counter with my eyes depressed toward the ground. I handed him the four individual withdrawal slips and walked away with a dichotomy of emotions. Despite the shame and failure I felt, I also felt hope and expectancy. I chose to obtain four consecutive W's on my collegiate transcript in order to leave my home and seek treatment. I made the decision to walk away from the addictive and painful eating disorder I had known so well. I fought the debilitating disease that had caused me to stare death head-on, and won.
While my transcript is not ideal, it is a picture of redemption and my ability to overcome personal struggles. After I returned home from my treatment experience, I felt like I finally knew myself: I knew where I had been, and where I was going. I am going to influence the world for the better. I returned to Austin Community College with excitement and dedication. My recent community college experience has taught me that I am intelligent, creative, and capable. My recent community college transcript also shows a positive academic trend that stems from hard work and my ability to achieve exactly what I set my mind to.
During a conversation, I was told "I'm sorry" in reference to the struggles I have faced. I quickly responded "I'm not." My hardships and near death experience have given me an indescribable value for life and all that is has to offer. I worry about sounding "cliché" when I attempt to share this feeling with people, but the truth is, every morning I get to wake up to a new day I consider a true gift. This might not have been possible for me had I not walked through the hard times. I deeply appreciate learning, applying myself, interaction with people, and the diversity that comes along with all of it. The quality of learning and the unique diversity I hear exists at the University of Texas thrills me. I hope to be among this community of people. I will contribute what I have learned and anticipate the opportunity to learn from the excellence that is the University of Texas.
hey this is really great, i couldn't find one thing wrong with it. it sounds like you've been through a lot and its a great topic to talk about as well. I really like the description in the beginning as well.
i really liked this. great job (:
good luck on UT!
Wow, this is a stunner.
It shows what you've been going through and does it in a way that grabs the attention of the reader.
I have to agree with the post above, theres not much that i would change.
Great Job and good luck.
