I am writing my personal statement for the common app prompt "Evaluate a signiï-cant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you." It needs to be 250-500 words.
I want to write about Girl Scouts but I'm not sure what I want my focus to be. So I wrote a few paragraphs that all have different points and I want to know which idea I should elaborate more on.
I will be applying as an Environmental Engineer major, hence the environmental references.
Here is what I have so far:
"In my closet hangs a sash of every color-blue, brown, green, and tan-each decorated with a collection of patches, badges, and pins. But those badges represent more than the Thin Mints I sold or the knots I learned to tie; they hold memories. "Made books to give to a single mother's outreach center" is hardly an accurate representation of my Girl Scout Silver Award. I remember the chills I got after hearing the story of a woman on the run from her violent husband and the ear to ear smile of the little girl who never wanted to put the handmade books down. Through 12 years of meaningful experiences, I learned that I am capable of making a difference.
Cool mountain breezes and the light woodsy scent of a dying down campfire are just some of the things that made me fall in love with nature during Girl Scout camping trips. The troop leaders always reminded us to be respectful to the environment and to leave nothing behind but footprints. Through 12 years of meaningful experiences, I learned that I am capable of making a difference.
The skills and values I have learned are now being put to the test as I complete my Gold Award project, the highest award in Girl Scouts earned by 80 hours toward a service project. As I complete the project, I approach each task the same way I have approached other Girl Scout projects, college, and even small everyday challenges- with uncompromised determination and striving for nothing less than my best."
This is a very rough draft obviously. I just want your opinions on which topic would be the strongest. Thanks a bunch! xoxo
The message of the first is very good, and the anecdotes really personalize the topic, but I prefer the second topic, especially the last line. 'with uncompromised [sic] determination and striving for nothing less than my best,' though a bit braggy, is powerful and revealing about your personality. Two things about that particular sentence: 'uncompromised' should be changed to 'uncompromising', and 'As I complete the project, I approach each task the same way' should be changed to 'As I complete the project, I approach the finishing tasks the same way".
Very well done though.
