'wonderful new experiences' - University of Connecticut Transfer Essay

This is the rough draft of my essay to the University of Connecticut. I am hoping to transfer for the spring semester. I am not completely done, I would like to add a few more sentances but I am kind of stuck. Also, I have two general ed contents filled for UConn because I've been really careful making my schedule at my current institution so everything transfers over. Should I mention that or is that too much? I would love your suggestions!

The University of Connecticut offers a dynamic academic atmosphere that I am looking for as a student. The University of Connecticut has a plethora of classes, professors and intellectually invigorating opportunities that will help me thrive as a person.

My time at Eastern Connecticut State University in Willimantic, CT has taught me a lot about myself. I learned that I have inspirations that surpass what a small university can offer me. Although I have done well with an overall grade point average of a 3.37 and was on the Dean's List my first semester, I am looking for a university where I feel inspired by my surroundings. A small school interested me at first but I realized that college is about exploring different cultures and activities and Eastern Connecticut State University is not what I am looking for. It is wonderful that students at the University of Connecticut are submerged into a diverse campus with international students and an abundant number of clubs. Many choose Eastern Connecticut State University because they are intimidated by large campuses, but I would embrace and take advantage of everything they offer. There is very little school spirit and enthusiasm from the students at my current institution which I find disappointing. I want to be motivated not only by my professors, but by my peers. The University of Connecticut has a student body that I will fit in to.

I am thankful to know exactly what my academic goals are and know of a school that parallels my interests. During my freshman year, I took General Psychology and Media Aesthetics which explored ergonomics and social behavior. I felt such a passion for the subject and knew that being a psychology major with a concentration in Industrial Organization Psychology was the perfect fit for me. The psychology program at the University of Connecticut has a wonderful reputation and I would be honored to be a part of it. With my degree in Industrial Organization Psychology I aspire to help organizations succeed through improving their work environment and job performance. There is no other school that I would rather have educate me with the knowledge I need to achieve my goal.

I am fully dedicated to becoming a Husky. Admission into the University of Connecticut would contribute to my growth as a student as well as a member of society. My life will not only be enriched intellectually but culturally with wonderful new experiences at the University of Connecticut.

Dear Sara,

I like how you clearly explain why your current institution no longer fits your needs, and how you feel that UConn will be a better place for you. Watch out that you are not negative about your current school--no need to say, "There is very little school spirit and enthusiasm from the students at my current institution which I find disappointing." Just lose that sentence and you can actually keep the rest around it without the content suffering any. I wouldn't mention anything about the courses transferring over. That is handled by the registrar, I believe, and will not be of concern to the admission office.

Well done, I'd say.