Prompt: Why are you interested in OSU? (Please limit responses to approximately 500 words)
You may trash it, or give some constructive criticism on this essay...just don't copy it please.
-I was born to my mother when she was a senior at the Ohio State University. Talk about being born a Buckeye! Growing up, being a Buckeye fan was second nature to me and being a Buckeye fan was one of our "house-hold religions." As well as being a Buckeye fan, my academic interest can be found at OSU. When I attended Ohio State's Engineering College's Open House, I met several professors, toured the labs, and immediately felt a connection to the academic environment. The professors I met were wonderful. All of them had their own personality which helped portray their teaching styles. Going through the labs, the atmosphere of the college hit me. During the tour of the labs, the student who was guiding us introduced our group to a graduate student who was using the facilities to do research for his master's thesis. Realizing that the labs at the college were not petty high school labs, but people can do real-world research in this lab. The thing that caught my attention the most was the overall view of the community of OSU. It grew. Going to OSU, I met college students who slept, ate, and learned at OSU. Meeting these people, listening to their college experiences, you get the feeling that this is the right place to be, right on the banks of the Olentangy River.
Growing up, being a Buckeye fan was of second nature to me and was one of our "house-hold religions."
I think it'd be better to re-word this sentence. My version:
In addition to being a Buckeye fan, my academic interest can be found at Ohio State University.
Instead of Going through the labs, the atmosphere of the college hit me. During the tour of the labs, the student who was guiding us introduced our group to a graduate student who was using the facilities to do research for his master's thesis., you should put During the tour of the labs, the student who was guiding us introduced our group to a graduate student who was using the facilities to do research for his master's thesis. Going through the labs, the atmosphere of the college hit me.
I realized that these were not just some petty high school labs, but labs where people did research that could affect numerous amounts of people.
I would really recommend you actually write out Ohio State University instead of just "OSU." The thing that caught my attention the most was the overall view of the community of OSU. It grew. ----> The thing that caught my attention the most was how Ohio State University's community grew.
Meeting these people, listening to their college experiences, I got the feeling that this was the right place to be, right on the banks of the Olentangy River. Stick to first person.
Hope that helped!
