Ahh so im applying to weill-cornell in qatar, and the essay prompt is: You may write a story about yourself that provides us with deep insight into the type of person you are or strive to be. Your story could involve a personal experience, a situation in which your character was tested, a humorous anecdote, or a significant academic situation. You may also include your most significant accomplishments to date and what inspired you to want to pursue a medical career. (800 words or less).. Im pretty good with the word limit, im at 764, so s'all goodd, but i feel like this is VERY rough, ANY help is appreciated THANK YOU :)
My Time in a Hospital
I was Alice discovering the Wonderland my mother had tucked away in her closet. In hushed tones, I caressed the tattered edges of her college textbooks. I had always found some sort of pleasure as I indulged into a world I never thought could exist. At seven years old, I had already picked out the brushes that would eventually paint the passions I have today. Just like Alice painted the roses red, I painted the love of biology onto my personality.
Page 113 was my favourite. My fingers had manipulated the book so many times that opening to that page came naturally. It depicted three strange, abstract shapes concealed in sacs; carefully cut so that I could see the inside. I would read the caption, my finite vocabulary struggling to comprehend what these beautifully mysterious images were. Upon asking my mother, I was struck with a shock so powerful, I can still feel the repercussions of it today: "This is you, my love." These words breathed life into the inanimate shapes I so longed to understand. The pictures were of three babies in different stages of pregnancy, and the fact that this was how I was formed, drove me crazy. I started asking about everything I saw in myself: Why do I have two eyes? Why are my legs shaped that way? What am I? As I grew up, I took every opportunity I was given to learn the answers. Honours and AP Biology classes, the Discovery channel, and anything dealing with the human body became my love, as strange as it sounds. But the one thing that brought me the closest to what I believe to be my calling was volunteering at the Aramco Hospital during the summer of 2011. I finally knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to become a doctor, because it is the single thing that merges my fascination with the human body and how it works, with my sociability and passion of meeting new people.
In the hospital, I was Alice once again. I thought I had reached the peak of my intrigue when I was immersed in my biology textbooks, but I was missing out on a whole other level. My time in the day-surgery sector of the hospital proved that to me. I was in charge of dealing with the patients before and after their surgeries; this included asking them important questions such as what medications they were on, calming them down, aiding the doctors, and more. In addition, the nurses all spoke either only English, or only Arabic. Thus, I was also in charge of translating between the eclectic group of patients, and the nurses. This put me in a position of responsibility I did not think I would be granted until after I graduated college. For that, I am genuinely thankful. When I opened the grandiose doors of the hospital every morning at 7:00, I could feel myself being greeted by images of my future; I wasn't looking at a series of desks and chairs, I was looking at myself. Needless to say, I sincerely believe that this thirst for medicine is in my blood. It floods the web of veins that make me who I am. Though it may sound exaggerated, it is the same answer you will get when you ask the people closest to me about 'my passions'.
I tend to look the world as if I am staring it through a magnifying glass, as Alice in Wonderland had to do when she grew three times her size. I scrutinise the details, and it has been that way since I was a child. I do not look at the houses, but the rooms. Not the body, but the cells. In order for medicine to be effective, one must be able to do exactly that. Knowing this, I have found a way to work this awkward quirk I was cursed with to my benefit; I have found yet another thing that makes me and medicine a perfect match.
My time at the hospital lasted only 2 weeks, but its effects on me will last a lifetime. I know I am still Alice, barely stepping foot into the boundless world of medicine, but someday, I hope to have tread miles into it. Knowing that I could delve into depths not many people even think to explore, knowing that I could be the cause for the smiles on patient's faces, and knowing that I will be doing what I love, is my definition of ecstasy. And I want it, so badly.I like the Alice in Wonderland reference, tidy up the first paragraph a bit though. You do a great job "painting" a picture of your childhood wonderment of the biology picture book and the in utero pics of yourself.
But the one thing that brought me the closest to what I believe to be my calling was volunteering at the Aramco Hospital during the summer of 2011. This sentence should be re-worded.
I like that you give reasons for wanting to be a doctor, and you explain your duties very well.
...but I was missing out on a whole other level. This sounds a little confusing.
Needless to say, I sincerely believe that this thirst for medicine is in my blood. It floods the web of veins that make me who I am. You may want to re-consider this, to me it sounds a little dramatic. Although it works well with your theme.
I like your style of writing, it makes your personality show in your paper. You elaborately describe your passions, however you may want to specifically talk a little more about your short term and long term goals.
I had always found some sort of pleasure as I indulged into a world I never thought could exist.
Just like Alice painted the roses red, I painted the love of biology onto my personality.---I love this!!
Page 113 was my favorite .
...thing that merges my fascination with the human body and how it works, with my sociability and passion for meeting new people.
I tend to look the world as if I am staring at it through a magnifying glass, as Alice in Wonderland had to do when she grew three times her size.
I scrutinize the details, and it has been that way since I was a child.
This is a great essay! You're an excellent writer, and your essay is interesting and well set up. I hope this is helpful! Good luck in school and have fun!
:)
I enjoyed the link between your passion for medicine and Alice in Wonderland that you continue all throughout the essay. However, I do feel like you kept on your childhood a bit too long. Put more significance on the experience of being in the hospital instead! Perhaps there was a doctor that gave you great insight, Or maybe you learned a new procedure, or excelled in something during your time there. Focus on how your experience is relevant to both your passion for medicine and how your skills can be applied in an academic setting.
