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A word that describes me is resilient - UBC Personal Profile


mguo 2 / 3 1  
Dec 1, 2019   #1
Tell us about who you are. How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why. (maximum 250 words)

Resilience



A word that describes me is resilient. I am someone who can adapt effectively and quickly to change, coming out as the best version of myself. My family knows that I am hard to satisfy, and take things seriously whatever the task. If I am pushed down because of something, I don't let myself get discouraged, but work even harder to complete it. My peers would agree that when I have my mind set on something, I am determined to see it through no matter the path that I have to take. In the face of conflict or hardships I simply focus on the end goal, and work hard to achieve it. For example, barely passing a math test in grade ten. The night before I had put in the time to study the material and felt quite confident as I found the course to be relatively easy. As I got the test back, I was shocked to find out my mark, and was blinded by my failure. Soon after, I realized my mistake, even though I felt confident and well studied, in reality I did not dedicate enough time and I got arrogant. From this experience I learned not to fixate on what I did wrong, but to work towards a solution. This simple lesson is something that reverberates throughout my life and is something that I can say that I am proud of, that I no matter the consequence I will rebound from my mistakes.(247)

Any feedback is appreciated :), sorry if the format is wrong, Thanks in advance!

plforielts 4 / 10 5  
Dec 1, 2019   #2
@mguo
Welcome to the Forum! Hope my comments help!

I could see that you could return to your previous good stages very quickly from the math test incident. However, I am afraid that you might put too long introduction to this story.

I am thinking if you may rephrase the sentences "My family knows that I am hard to satisfy ... In the face of conflict or hardships ..." into a more mature way, so that the readers could follow you as a high achiever, determined and not afraid of obstacles, but not picky and stubborn person.

It might be better to receive more feedback from other native speakers for the tone and grammar.
OP mguo 2 / 3 1  
Dec 1, 2019   #3
@plforielts
Thank you for the feedback, I agree with your comments i'll rephrase the mentioned sentences to try and encompass those qualities. I will also try and shorten up the introduction so it is more concise and to the point.

Cheers!


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