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150 word essay about playing DOUBLE BASS


h4ppidais 2 / 7  
Oct 27, 2009   #1
I needed something to cope with stress from school. With so much homework that was given, I needed something that would relieve me. Fortunately, after a long and seemingly desperate search, I finally found the answer: playing the double bass. Whenever I become frustrated, I relieve my tension and stress by synchronizing myself with the deep resonating sound that accompanies me to my most composed state. I sit on my stool, relax my tightened muscles, calm my fatigued mind, and gently close my weary eyes eventually to be consumed by my only cure. Before long, I am completely immersed in the melody, reaching the blank state that I have so longed. Playing double bass provided me with the moment where I can relax from arduous tasks and rejuvenate my mind in order to manage my stress adequately to any situation.
ago1130 2 / 3  
Oct 27, 2009   #2
I needed something to cope with my stress and relieve me because of the loads of homework that was given. Fortunately, after a long,and seemingly desperate search, I finally found the answer: playing the double bass. Whenever I am frustrated, I relieve my tension and stress by synchronizing myself with the deep resonating sound that accompanies me to my most composed state. I sit on my stool, relax my tightened muscles, calm my fatigued mind, and gently close my weary eyes eventually to be consumed by my only cure. Before long, I am completely immersed in a melody, reaching the blank state that I have so longed for. Playing the double bass has provided me with thea moment where I can relax from arduous tasks and rejuvenate my mind in order to manage my stress adequately to any situation.

Very good essay with good flow. Just a little bit of changes that I made, but other than that its perfect!
linmark /  
Oct 28, 2009   #3
Thx for your feedback.
Here's mind:
I would reconsider these sentences: Because of, I needed something to cope with my stress and relieve me that was given . Fortunately, after a long, and seemingly desperate search, I finally found the answer: WHY NOT START WITH:

Whenever I am frustrated or stressed by homework overload , I relieve my tension and stress by playing the double bass and synchronizing myself with its the deep resonating sound. that accompanies me to my most composed state. I sit on my stool, relax my tightened muscles, calm my fatigued mind. and LET THE SOUND WORK ITS CURE. , gently close my weary eyes eventually to be consumed by my only cure. Before long, (NOT KEEPING TRACK OF TIME,) I am completely immersed in a melody, reaching the blank (MINDLESS BUT MINDFUL) state that I have so longed for. Playing the double bass has provided PROVIDES me with the a moment where I can relax from arduous tasks and rejuvenate (RECHARGE, REENERGIZE??) my (BODY AND SOUL? AND BE READY FOR THE NEXT DAY??) mind in order to manage my stress adequately to any situation.

HOPE THIS HELPS. I love the double bass myself!!
ago1130 2 / 3  
Oct 28, 2009   #4
The topic is a very good choice. What the colleges want to see is more of how you write your essay. The are trying to see your style of writing more than to the topic. The essay was written perfect and the only thing that really needs to be change are:

- The first and second sentence are the same idea so condense it into one.
- Then follow the rest that linmark explains, which is perfect.

Don't both changing the topic because it is perfect. Little changes made here and there and your set!

Thanks for helping me on my essay too!
srandhawa 10 / 157  
Oct 28, 2009   #5
I really like the second half of this essay after a relatively slow start, except for the last line. The lines "Whenever I become frustrated, I relieve my tension and stress by synchronizing myself with the deep resonating sound that accompanies me to my most composed state. I sit on my stool, relax my tightened muscles, calm my fatigued mind, and gently close my weary eyes eventually to be consumed by my only cure. Before long, I am completely immersed in the melody, reaching the blank state that I have so longed" is very good. However, you should work on the intro and conclusion, because these both leave a lot to be desired. The conclusion is not a strong way to finish off the essay and the intro does not grab the readers attention, in such a short essay, that's a must. Still, you have something good to build off, remember you don't need to use the whole 150 word limit.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 30, 2009   #6
Start here:
Whenever I become frustrated, I relieve...

The part before that is not so useful.

HEY, the writing is really good!! But... is there anything else you get from it besides relaxation? Can you write about meditation? Maybe connect it to meditative study and writing in school? Maybe connect it to your aspirations for college...


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