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"every word of the Pokémon theme song" - my first admissions essay! prompt #1

chikibayb02 1 / 4  
Nov 29, 2009   #1
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

"I wanna be the very best
Like no one ever was
To catch them is my real test
To train them is my cause
I will travel across the land
Searching far and wide
Each Pokémon to understand
The power that's inside"

My brother and I were able to recite every word of the Pokémon theme song when we were children. Pretending to be Pokémon trainers is only one of the items on the extensive list of my childhood memories. There are five children in my immediate family and I am the middle child. Two are in college, one is a high school freshman, and the remaining sibling is a sassy six year-old. My siblings are an enormous part of my world and have helped shape who I am and who I want to be. I have learned so much from them as I have grown up. As children, my siblings and I would play for hours at a time in the backyard and we would create fanciful imaginations of warrior princesses or make believe that we had our own Pokémon creatures. To this day, my brother and I still spend a great deal of time in our backyard studying the little creatures and the various types of plants in our garden. I would put insects in jars so that I could do further studies on them. The time that I spent studying the little creatures in the soil of our garden made me curious about the small things that no one sees and their impact on the world. My curious and imaginative mind that was molded when I was a child from these outdoor studies and imagination explorations can be nourished by entering the medical field and doing research to find cures for diseases. My goal is to be an anatomical or surgical pathologist. I have always been interested in bacteria and viruses and how something so small can have such a huge impact on our bodies. I believe UC San Diego has the proper amenities and resources to help nourish my desire to pursue a career in the biological sciences.
silligrl555 2 / 6  
Nov 29, 2009   #2
I loved pokemon too!

I think you need to make the connection between playing pokemon with your brother and how it shaped you to play with insects and desire to go into anatomical pathology:

1. When I was little, I loved pokemon.
2. Therefore, me and my brother would pretend to "catch" insects."
3. Because of our game, I developed a love for that biology.
4. Now I want to be a ____.

I feel like quoting the pokemon theme song is unecessary. Also, you can cut out details about your siblings and focus your words on how pokemon shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Deva17 1 / 10  
Nov 29, 2009   #3
I have to say that the major flaw in this essay is that you write about Pokemon for a large amount of time and then suddenly start talking about becoming a surgical pathologist. While this is ok you have to relate it better. You may consider taking out the song at the beginning (as much as I love that song) and replace it with a little part in the essay saying something about how you and your brother would always recite the Pokemon theme song. It's just that the admissions officer may think less of your essay because it has a relatively childish song in the beginning. Just a thought.

Good job though!
OP chikibayb02 1 / 4  
Nov 29, 2009   #4
thank you very much for the feed back. greatly appreciated :)
Aglod516 1 / 3  
Nov 29, 2009   #5
I like this idea alot, its very unique, and in my opinion will stand out alot.

Great job, although it kind of shows that your not a very serious person.

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